V-Card Diaries: Matthew “Was my status as a virgin a significant factor in my breakups?”

Our latest V-Card Diaries comes from Matthew from Maryland who’s been in two relationships with women who were also virgins. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. We’d love to run it in this blog.

Tell us about yourself:
I’m a 25 year old male virgin living in Maryland. I’m about to finish my Masters Degree and find myself at a bit of a crossroads in life, including the subject of my virginity.

How do you define virginity?
I’m of the belief that it’s the first penis and vagina experience. Sure there are a wide variety of sexual activities, but from the stories I’ve heard I think it’s the first time that really changes people.

Tell us your story
I’ve discovered that being an older virgin can result in some tricky relationships, especially if both people involved are older virgins. It’s like the elephant in the room–you pretend it’s not there, but you cannot ignore it.

For the longest time I never considered it “wrong” to be a virgin. I don’t have STDs nor religious reasons for waiting, I just felt that getting good grades and figuring out my career path was more important than getting laid. This mentality lasted me through most of my undergraduate years until I gradually realized that, at the age of 22, I was well above the “average age” of losing virginity. This didn’t bother me–my only requirement for sex is that it should be within a committed relationship (that doesn’t necessarily mean marriage). Basically, no one-night stands for me.

I have been in two relationships so far both with virgin women in their early 20s who wanted to wait. The first wanted to wait until marriage for religious reasons. The second one was more complicated. She claimed being self-conscious and scared, but after the breakup it occurred to me that she never gave me an honest answer for waiting. An interesting mystery of virginity I fear I’ll never solve.

In both cases, I was the one that got dumped. They read me the typical riot act of things girls usually tell guys they want to break up with starting with “I think we should just be friends,” and ending with “It’s the hardest decision I’ve ever made but I hope one day you’ll agree that this is for the best.”

Although I think the things they both told me were true, I wonder if *my* status as a virgin was a significant factor in the breakup. I should note that I never pressed the issue of sex in either relationship. In both cases I was wiling to wait until they were ready because I was looking for a committed relationship, not sex (though I’d have been willing to engage in it). Yet despite my sincerity to wait, I think they were afraid of hurting me. They didn’t believe someone can be so selfless when it comes to sex.

In both cases the words “you deserve better than me” was said by the woman (which secretly pissed me off A LOT, that a woman would put herself down like that) Although both clarified that statement as saying our interests were growing apart, I’m beginning to think they were really saying “you deserve someone that shares your interests AND wants sex.”

I am a virgin, and I’m not afraid to admit it. Yet despite my growing older, and these two failed relationships, I am still willing to wait if a future girlfriend wishes it. If that should happen again then, maybe, just maybe she’ll recognize my sincerity.

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