Today we're highlighting 19-year-old Reva who writes a blog called Girl Who Got Bored in Canada. She talks to us about her Indian upbringing, the appeal of the single life and being "intellectually whore-ish." If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself: I am a 19-year-old university student. I have never had a serious relationship in my life and I am a virgin.
How do you define virginity? One can technically define virginity as a not having had sexual intercourse, but I don't see either the state of being virginal or non-virginal as having some characteristics intrinsically associated with it.
Why have you decided to stay a virgin? I could ponder over many of the psychosocial reasons for this state, but at the end of the day, it doesn't really differentiate me from the biggest sluts or studs as a person. I don't really think much about my virginity to be honest, because I don't think having sex will change me as a person. I think we are past the day and age when losing one's virginity was a rite of passage. With the information age, and the increasingly greater emphasis on the individual, I feel like virginity or the loss of it is an invalid concern to understand a person.
I guess I should provide some context as to how I was raised to think about virginity. My parents, being moderately liberal Indians, weren't big on arranged marriages or religion, however, they told me to be consistently "careful" with matters of the heart or the body. I don't know what they meant by it, but they insisted that I didn't do things that would make me "sick". This made me a big prude for a few of my teenage years. Later, I cast off that prudishness, and became way more open-minded and accepting of my own sexuality. That helped me become a more easy-going person.
In my social circle, I'm quite open about my sexual thoughts and desires, as are most of the virgins who I hang out with. A lot of us have been career-minded freaks with no patience for womanly ways or charms, we have turned into this group of overgrown tomboys who are sometimes really horny. We talk about it. We talk about our masturbation habits. We seldom feel like we are missing out on much because we aren't getting laid. Mind you, we are probably an unfortunate bunch of outliers. I guess intimate romantic relationships haven't been near the top on our list of priorities.
I have a lot of male friends who I am equally open with. Many will say that I don't really feel romantic feelings so much, because I have never been treated like a woman by a man. I don't expect to, or want to be treated according to my gender. The few serious romantic feelings I have had in my life towards men are rooted in an intellectual attraction. I've been intellectually whore-ish as long as I can remember, and it seems it's probably gonna be the only way I would ideally like to get physically laid in.
Since I was a child, as I have written in my blog recently, I romanticized the idea of a single life with other single people. While I no longer fantasize about living in a convent, I admire the bachelor lifestyle that a lot of college students live. It will get old one day, for sure, but I enjoy how it helps me grow as a person. I feel a bond with every person I have shared living space with, gotten drunk with or had an intellectual debate with. Being with someone will probably take away how much I cherish each and every individual so much, and I am sort of afraid for that.
Any special plans or ideas for losing it? I do yearn to be in a relationship. Sex can come in the context of it. I am not the one for random one night stands, unless it involves massive instant attraction of intellect and some sort of pseudo-spiritual connection. I am still unsure. I don't have many regrets about what I have been through so far. Despite having no luck whatsoever in love, I feel confident and positive about myself. I don't hold back and I am usually easy to get along with. For now, that is enough for me.