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Real Women Have Complicated First Times



The Frisky
writes about a new film called "The Virginity Hit," another contribution to the enormous nerdy-guy-desperate-to-lose-his-virginity oeuvre. The trailer looks totally incomprehensible to me but the central thesis is clear. Boy–virginity=good. Going deeper into the genre, Jessica Wakeman makes an interesting point about the difference between boy-centered and girl-centered 'losing it' films:

When I started to research teen sex comedies from the past 15 years for this post, I assumed I’d prove the following thesis: Movies where boys lose their virginity are all alike, and movies where girls lose their virginity are also all alike. But I actually proved myself wrong. It turns out, movies about girls who lose their V-card are pretty diverse.

Boy virgins, though, are trapped in one particular holding pattern in sex comedies: the epic quest. When boys lose their virginity in movies, they’re embarrassed to be inexperienced — which is the whole motive behind their epic quest, of course. But luckily for them, two hours later there’s lots of cheering and back-slapping to be had.

Needless to say, there are lots of guys who aren't horndogs in search of tail, but you'd never know that watching these films. And how many guys have absorbed this prevailing pop culture stereotype, and then proceeded to lie through their teeth about their own experiences, just so they didn't seem like freaks? On the other hand, a guy's first time does seem, well, simpler in so many ways.

Just to clarify , what we're always talking about in these films is first intercourse, penis in vagina, and the first time a woman has intercourse, it can be complicated. Of course there's the risk of pregnancy and STIs –and all the sexist double-standard shaming that goes with women having sex. But aside from that, it can sometimes be painful and messy. It's rarely pleasurable the first (or many) times. In fact, intercourse might never, ever, lead a gal to orgasm, which is good info to have when you're just starting out. Also, some young women do things simply to please their partners, and can't always articulate what would make them feel good. And if they could, it just might not be intercourse, anyway.

Our sex initiations can be complex, and there aren't a lot of pop culture role models to walk us through it and help us celebrate it. I've always loved 'Real Women Have Curves' (watch the linked clip from around the 1:30 mark) because Ana's sexual initiation happens on her own terms and she won't let herself be shamed by her mom. "There's more to me than what's between my legs!" You tell em, Betty–I mean, America! (And I really liked you back when you were shamelessly curvy)

Maybe the real problem is that we need to stop focusing on intercourse as the first life-defining event in a woman's sexual life. Do we really need penises to become sexual beings?