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V-Card Diaries: "Losing my virginity made me an outcast in my culture, religion and even family."

Today we're highlighting an email entitled "Mormon Virginity." If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.  I personally feel beyond inspired to write and share my story and how losing my virginity (for a long while) made me an outcast in my culture, religion and even family. I didn't even tell anyone, nor did I take proper precautions to protect myself. Instead I carried a burden of self loathing and even thoughts of suicide for years before I "came out of the closet" as a de-virginized girl.

I almost responded to my "first time" as a rape, psychological yes, but as traumatic for a sheltered Mormon girl as it could be to someone in another culture.

I began thinking virginity was the only thing that could be kept intact to justify my existence. After that priceless "virtue" was lost I then used sex as a way to devulge my overwhelming feelings of self-hate. I began a slew of escapades to try to somehow prove to myself that I wasn't broken, but wanted, even as a sexual being.

Today, I have a stronger and more healthy perspective on what sex means to me.

I now know that even if I am sexually "active" (I hate that term) that I am not JUST a sex maniac. I am a woman, a girl, a compassionate individual who has stood trial for who I am more times than I can count. I still have to remind myself these things in the face of extreme conditions, ultimately discrimination within the Mormon church as I am living in Utah.

I am happy to share, and maybe someone like I was at 20 could find solace in my experiences. So they can know that they are not alone, and not worthless.