I recently came across a fabulous new Tumblr blog written by Alice, who wants to "highlight my journey to 'my first time.' ” She's has been writing some sweet, awesome, honest posts about her sexual life, and this list of 'worries' really caught my eye. I don't think these are all things that will necessarily actually happen – that's a lot to load onto a pretty basic physical act of putting a penis into a vagina. And anyone who thinks you're less valuable because you've done that act should not be someone you listen to or hang out with.
But, they are things a lot of young women worry about (including me, back in the day). Here's the list from her blog:
1. Heartbreak. I am terribly afraid of heartbreak. Bringing sex to the relationship is putting a lot on the table, making yourself more vulnerable to feeling abandoned or if they fuck up, like you’ve made a huge mistake or something. To give so much to a single person, who obviously can’t be perfect, is scary to me.
2. Regret. When “stay a virgin for as long as possible” and “sex changes everything” and “wait till you get married” and “men don’t want someone that is ‘used’” (yes! I have heard that a few times) is drilled into your mind, feeling guilty comes along too. I am already a very guilty-feeling person and I hope this won’t be one of those times.
3. Change in my relationship. This sort of goes along with number 1, I don’t want a whole lot to change negatively. It’s sort of hard to explain. I feel like I will expect him to be more perfect and just expect more out of him to cushion my emotions about having sex for the first time, which is a lot to put on him (without even really telling him this might happen).
4. Pain. I am a little scared that it may hurt. I know it will at least feel uncomfortable, but I’ve heard of girls literally blacking out from pain. That’s scary. I’ve been ‘fingered’ (I don’t really like that word, but what else should I call it?) before and it only hurt at first, but still, its a lot (well, not a lot a lot. haha) bigger and I’m scared.
5. Future relationships. I have a lot of guy friends, and they can be brutal. They even say they don’t want to date someone who’s not a virgin. Of course, I don’t want to date anyone who’d say that in the first place. But, still…just a worry..
6. Judgement from my family and friends. Especially from my twin and my mom. I don’t think I’ll tell them upfront, but my sister will most likely find out. And she is not very open-minded about the whole situation.