Today we're highlighting Relena in New York City, who has some suggestions for post-'losing it' activities. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form.You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I am a 27 year old white woman–originally from Michigan, but I currently live in New York City. I was raised in conservative community; my family is Catholic.
How do you define virginity?
In the past, I would have said virginity was never having penis-in-vagina sex. Now, I would expand that definition to include any sexual act a person hasn't done. So instead of one type of virginity, there are many types of virginities.
Tell us your story:
I had my first penis-in-vagina experience when I was 25. When I was a teen, I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved–perhaps someone I would most likely marry. But fast forward 10 years later, and I still hadn't found that person. I was beginning to feel "too old" to be a "virgin." That's not a great reason to have PIV sex, but at the same time I was sick of waiting. I wanted to know what this whole "sex" thing was about.
So, I ended up having sex with someone who I didn't love–which isn't particularly a bad move. It kinda removes the whole sex-is-greatest-expression-of-love-ever of a relationship. I had told my gentleman friend about my situation and he was honored to help me out. We talked about it for a week before–what sexual acts I liked and didn't–the anticipation was pretty hot. The actual experience was pretty painful and disappointing. Practice definitely makes perfect! Afterwards, I decided to cheer myself up by watching The Daily Show.
I wish that I could have had my first PIV experience with someone who I loved, but at the same time, I do not regret my decision. I feel proud of the fact that it was something that I arranged, something that was in my control.
Any thoughts on virginity in our society?
I don't think the category of first time PIV sex is going to disappear any time soon. However, I just wish our society talked more about sex in general–talked about female masturbation, gay sex, straight sex. If we did, I feel that "The One Virginity" would lose its power.