Today we're highlighting S. R. from Charlotte, NC, who talks about her New Year's plans, which came a bit early. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I'm a 25-year-old administrative assistant for a construction company. I have every intention of breaking away to join Charlotte Fire Department as a public servant by September 2012.
How do you define virginity?
I don't define it. I suppose I define it as a word that is used by those too uncomfortable with themselves to accept that it just doesn't matter.
Tell us your story:
I didn't become comfortable with myself until I reached college. I'm 5'10" and 160lbs of muscle. I always felt like I intimidated guys in high school so I never thought any of them would give me the time of day. I met Jim and started dating him. We had about four months of just straight making out before we proceeded to any of the other "bases" (might as well use an outdated anecdote). It was very uncomfortable because it was the first time for everything for both of us—I don't remember it being uncomfortable though. We were so close, so in love. Nothing was ever weird between us. We had decided in December that we would wait until New Years Eve to "hit a home run." That was probably my idea, as I was thinking it was some magical moment (**Spoiler alert!! It's not!!**). I don't know how many times I was told you can't have it back, that you'll never be able to undo the deed. Oh but I loved Jim—I'm not Catholic like the rest of my family, so I was okay with sex outside of marriage, but I was still holding onto the idea that he HAD to be the one.
Anyway, back to the sex: We didn't end up making it to January 1st. It happened on December 30th—I suppose one of us was just too horny. I remember distinctly how long Jim spent in the bathroom trying to get the condom on, how there was very little foreplay, how I wasn't overwhelmed with pain, how I didn't bleed, how much longer it lasted than what I had been told, how during coitus I thought, "this is it?" Don't get me wrong, Jim had all the right parts and he put them in all the right places, but there was no magical moment. No fireworks (damn, I should have waited one more day!). It was there, and then it was gone. It didn't change me. It didn't change my relationship with Jim. We continued dating for another two years and have since moved on. Sure, I won't forget that specific act because it was awkward and scary and I remember lying on the bed while he was in the bathroom and I was shivering—not from the cold but from all the millions of things I had been told.
I think the best part of it all, the part that made me realize that it's society and my family and my waiting-for-marriage friends who forced me to feel that way, was a few days later after I had told my best friend, she brought me a potted plant of tulips. She said it's a ritual in her family for women to receive flowers from their mothers after they lose their virginity. I'm not sure why that meant so much to me. I suppose it was because not many people celebrate having sex outside of marriage.
Any thoughts on virginity in our society?
I think so much pressure is put on women no matter the age to act "appropriate." Women aren't allowed to be sexual beings, they are only allowed to be used as such. Virginity is just one of the many ankle weights that is destroying self-esteem in so many young women. I would never say that everyone should have sex before they are married, but if we were to do away with that construct, would anyone still wait? I just think when you're ready, you should have all the pressure against you.
Want to tell your story? Go to our submission page.