Today we're highlighting JustAGuy in California, a doctor who's re-assessing his virginity on the brink of turning 30. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.
How do you define virginity?
Never having had sexual intercourse.
Tell us your story
I didn’t expect to find myself here, still a virgin as I approach my 30th birthday. In a culture that has created the expectation that men are the initiators of sex, I admit that reaching thirty without having so much as a relationship, has been frustrating. Never kissed a girl, never even been on a date.
Maybe it’s in part my own doing. Despite numerous crushes, I’ve always been a shy, insecure guy, whose fear of rejection has always trumped my ability to pursue them. Of course, I always rationalized it and found excuses: prioritizing schoolwork in college and now my job, “I don’t have time to invest in a relationship.” In hindsight, I’ve just been too scared to put myself out there.
Despite a high sex drive and desire to lose my virginity, I’m still faced by that fear of failure, and now, fear of inexperience. So instead, I’ve played it safe, turning to porn and masturbation. That’s been satisfying to a point, but as I reach a new milestone in my life, it’s caused me to pause.
Losing my virginity won’t be everything. Intellectually, I know that. But my suspicion is that sex is something I want, value and think a lot about, so having sex will not only feel good, but will also affirm my masculinity and self-esteem. That’s a lot to ask, I realize, especially from someone who’s never had a first date. But still, a guy can fantasize about how he’d feel, can’t he?
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