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V-Card Diaries: Lana "I lied when I was 16 that when I'd gone away for summer, I'd lost my virginity"

Today we're highlighting Lana from New Zealand, a woman who wanted to regain control of her life before losing her virginity. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:

I'm a 22 year old female and I'm from New Zealand. I am not a virgin.

How do you define virginity?

Virginity to me has always been in the physical sense. Losing one's virginity consists of having penetrative sexual intercourse or the equivalent thereof if you aren't heterosexual. I'm not religious, nor was I brought up that way, so I tend to see things like that in more of a scientific, straight forward light.

Tell us your story:

I was quite a troublesome kid when I was younger. I ran with a bad crowd and I did a lot of dumb things such as developing a drug dependency when I was 15. My parents were very busy when I was younger; my mum worked nights as well so I could get away with a lot of stuff without them ever knowing what was going on. I lost pretty much all control of my life at that point, apart from my virginity. I wanted to hold on to that one piece of me that I felt was the only thing I had going to keep me somewhat happy with myself.

Most of the people I hung out with were older and sexually active (had been for a while) and used that to their advantage. I always tended to be the younger one in the group, so eventually to stop from getting teased or disowned by my "friends", I lied when I was 16 that when I'd gone away for summer, I'd lost my virginity. I had a whole story, got the guy (who was one of my only decent friends) to agree to go along with it if they ever asked or caught up with him about it. I managed to keep that story up with most people to this day. Because I live in a relatively small city compared to other countries, my friends now are people I've known almost my whole life. So most of my friends now assume that I did lose my virginity when I was younger like they did, and I've never had the courage to correct them.

Once I ended up getting my shit together and got off the drugs, I was about 18. I met a guy and all of our friends became a group who hung out a lot. One night, there were a few of us around at his house and they decided to go looking for some food. Us two decided to stay back. I don't even know why, I was never really attracted to him in that sense until that night when he kissed me. It didn't go much further, and we just slept in the same bed. My reputation, unfortunately, proceeded me and after hanging out for about 6 months with no luck (obviously), he finally asked me if I was a virgin after all. I owned up, said yes, and he said he'd wait for me. And he did, for at least a year and a half after that conversation.

Looking back, he was amazing about it and I wish more guys would be able to do that for girls. When I had just turned 20, I felt ready in myself and the fact that I had control over my life again made it easier for me to give that part of me up for good. I never would have done it had I felt I wasn't healthy and prepared to remain healthy, which I have so far. I'm 4 years and 3 months sober, and I am still friends with the guy I lost my virginity with. It was uncomfortable, but I don't regret it one bit and I'm so proud of that fact.