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V-Card Diaries: David "I got to know other females, but they put me straight into the Friend Zone"

Today we're highlighting David, a 57-year-old man from Australia, who wonders how couples have managed to create relationships. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:

I'm male, 57-years-old, from South Melbourne, Australia.

How do you define virginity?

A person who has never had sex.

Tell us your story:

Just turned 57, and like all of you, I’m still a virgin and  I’ve never had a real girlfriend either. I’ve found that as I've aged, I’ve tended to lose a fair bit of my inhibition, and have to be careful of (at times) what I say.  I recently came to the conclusion that if an average 14-year-old male came to me and told me he’d had a vision that he would remain a virgin until he was 50, I’d say to him “Have you thought of jumping in front of a fast-moving car?” For someone like myself, I just don’t think it’s worth going through the hell of sexual frustration: I’ve been there too long.  After ending 10 years of chronic anxiety, my libido increased about 8 months ago, and I had to go through it again.

When I was about 16, I fell in love with a fellow (female) student at school.  It was a typical country romance – I’d known her for about 5 years, and we’d grown up together. But even though she knew I loved her, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her; I was too shy, and under a heavy dose of testosterone. She approached me three times, but was never proactive about it and after this, she gave up.  There was no one else, just her.  I never went to dances–don’t like them, and never drank alcohol, so I couldn’t rely on this to lower my inhibitions and increase my confidence.  I just didn’t know what to say to her.  I got to know two other females in the next 7 years or so who I took an interest in and told, but they put me straight into the “friend zone.” End of story.

In 1986, I moved from country Australia to the main state city due to a life crisis that would last for more than 20 years. I’d been told by a number of supposedly “wise” people that this would be the best thing to do, and that I’d be “forced” to make new friendships etc. As I’d intuitively felt, it never worked that way.  I consequently became socially isolated, and never really made any friends; picking up females in bars was out of the question.  In 1985, I saw a psychiatrist to obtain advice prior to moving down to the city.  When I asked her advice on trying to get a girlfriend, she made a face and changed the subject immediately.

In 1990, in the city, I sought counseling from a very nice lady who worked for the local council to try to help with my adjustment problems in the city.  When I asked her the same question, she said “You don’t need to to have a sexual relationship.” I told her I just wanted a girlfriend, and all she could suggest was that it was easy to meet people by walking dogs in the park.

Feminism has apparently taught females to “have sex like a man,” but many don’t seem to realize what they’re missing out on by approaching quiet males and building up their confidence.  I suggest reading JM Kearn’s 2008 classic “Why Mr Right Can’t Find You.” I think it explains a great deal.

Until the internet came online, there was, it seems, very little worthwhile information on relationship development.  I still see couples of all ages, and keep thinking “How did they do that?” (form a relationship).