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V-Card Diaries: Fern "It wasn't long before he was done, pulling out with the words, 'Oh shit, what just happened?' "

Today we're highlighting Fern in the Northwest United States., whose first time was witnessed by her boyfriend's dog and felt more like stabbing than lovemaking. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:

I am an 18-year-old high school senior living in the Pacific Northwest area of the U.S.

How do you define virginity?

Virginity is the lack of ever having had any sexual contact–i.e. contact of genitals–with another person, regardless of gender.

Tell us your story

I honestly remember wanting it, for no definable reason. He had tried to get me to have intercourse with him twice before, but he was dishonest about why he wanted it before, and never went through with it. But, when I asked him if we could, I knew he wanted it for lust and nothing more, and that was okay with me, even though he was my everything.

When it actually occurred, there wasn't nearly enough foreplay. I wasn't wet in the slightest when he entered after less than 20 minutes of making out and playing with each other, and it hurt so much. He asked me as he just barely entered, "Is it in right?" and I groaned, "Yeah, it's in." He asked me if he should stop, because I had my eyes held tight trying to ignore how much it hurt, but I told him to keep going, that I could take it. I thought, it couldn't get better unless it started worse, right?

So we attempted to keep going, I was on top because he kept doing it wrong when he was, and I had trouble leaning into him because it felt like he was stabbing me. After 5 or 10 minutes of unbearable pain, his dog walked in the room, and while he didn't see her, he heard her and pushed me lightly away instinctively in case it was his parents coming home early. Noticing it was just Shasta, we went back to business, and at that point it stopped hurting.

It didn't really feel good to me, though, and it wasn't long before he was done, pulling out with the words, "Oh shit, what just happened?" He was referring to the fact that he was so rough with me, I was bleeding everywhere. It explained a lot for sure. We were supposed to spend the whole day together, but he asked me to clean up and go home. I told him it wasn't that bad, but he was clearly really guilty.

He never let us have sex after that point, until one night, several months later, he came over and seduced me with lies about his feelings for me. That time, it didn't hurt much, it was just boring. I mean, I was aroused at first, but I honestly felt like he was, at his deepest, an inch or two from where it would feel good, which was better than the pain, but still not great.