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Ask Trixie: As a chubby girl, what technique and tips can I get for riding on top?

As a chubby girl, what technique and tips can I get for riding on top?  – locandload

Hi locandload!

I think that’s a great question, especially because there’s not enough conversation about chubby (large, fat, of size, however you want to describe it) girls and awesome sex. Being a chubby girl myself, it’s only recently that I’ve found so many smart, badass people spreading information and love on this topic.

So first of all, it’s important to get some mythology out of the way about any issues you may have heard (I sure did) about chubby people being on top. Quoting the fabulous Hanne Blank, in her book Big Big Love“No, you aren’t going to crush, smother suffocate, smash or otherwise injure anyone you have sex with if you get on top. I’ve been answering this question for over a decade. Yes, you can get on top.”

Let me add that once you are on top, don’t worry about what you look like. You’re having sex with someone–and they are probably extremely happy about it. I will quote Amy Schumer on what she thinks about when she gets naked for her partner, even on her chubbier days: “You’re welcome”

Many people with vaginas prefer being on top because it allows them to set the pace during intercourse. And if it’s your very first time doing that, having as much control over your body as possible is really, really important.

Here are some more tips from Big Big Love (which, frankly apply to people of any size):

  • Take your time to adjust yourself so you and your partner are comfortable before inserting anything anywhere.
  • Use a wall or chair to steady yourself and get extra leverage (which your partner can help with since they are firmly planted)
  • Watch out for elbows and knees, and also leaning on your hand when it’s resting on your partner’s soft parts.
  • If you need to get off of your partner in a hurry, just roll off to one side.
  • If you’re not enjoying it, try something else, and if you are enjoying, have a great time!

You also might want to put a pillow under your partner’s behind to elevate them a bit. Also, make sure there’s something soft for your knees to rest on. 

  • Add to that some general first-time intercourse tips:
  • Make sure you’re relaxed and very lubricated
  • Set your own pace and control how deeply you’re being penetrated so it feels OK
  • Communicate with your partner about what you like or don’t like
  • Stop if something hurts or if there’s something you don’t want to do.

For more, check out a whole collection of articles on having sex while chubby at  Bitch.com, and some more love and info from xoJane.

Got a question about virginity, sex, relationships, feminism or filmmaking?  Ask Trixie here.