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China Shrink Cream: Disinfects while it tightens

Lots of buzz out there about a product called "Liquid Virgin" which promises to temporarily tighten your ladyparts. If you can't wait for the delivery from 'Shop in Private', go into any porn shop and pick up a package of China Shrink Cream. It not only tightens, it kills germs! Here's the copy on the box:

"China Shrink Cream is the ancient secret of Queens and concubines to please their kings...even women who have given birth to many children can again enjoy sex life as it was in their honeymoons... The ointment also acts as an excellent disinfectant and deodorant."

It's what we here at Trixie Films use whenever the need arises. OK, so we haven't actually used it down there, but we did get one of our intrepid interns to try it on her lips. Nothing happened.