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We Called It Christian Sex, We Weren't That Clever

Another youthful memory from our Former Fundamentalist: I remember hearing rumors of youth group pals taking it up the keester-hole in an effort to preserve their virginity. As a fourteen-year-old judgement hound, I figured God would send them to hell first – 1) for trying to loophole his commandments and 2) for being real nasty. Who knew it would become the national pastime amongst the horny and poser-holy?

To honor Obama's risky choice to have the decidedly anti-gay and his-book's-kinda-boring Rick Warren save everyone at the inauguration, Dan Savage of Savage Love put forth a challenge to his readership: Let's redefine "saddlebacked"! (Rick is Lord of Saddleback Church.) My fave won:

'Saddlebacking' should be the term for the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities. 'After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she's saving herself for marriage.'