Today we're highlighting 33-year-old Brian, who talks to us about Facebook friends, the freedoms of being alone and why his family thinks he's a homosexual. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. We'd love to run it in this blog!
Tell us about yourself: I'm a 33-year-old guy from Oklahoma and I've done some graduate school. In terms of religion, I searched around a lot growing up, and as a child I used to go to church with friends. I had too few social graces in my upbringing, and was grounded much of the time. I struggled my first few years in college trying to learn how the world and people worked. By the time things started crystallizing, I didn't see marriage and myself as a good match. If I was younger, I am curious how much my sex drive would have supplanted that ignorance.
What is your definition of virginity? I tend to think of virginity in the Virgin Mary sense. A more technical definition would be mutual masturbation, oral sex, penetration would all disqualify my definition of virginity. I consider virginity a gift given though, so if one is raped they are still a virgin in my book.
Why have you decided to stay a virgin? A combination of two elements: the freedom of being alone, and my upbringing. For me having sex is only permitted within marriage. So this is more a question of why I have decided to not get married. I'm not sure where to draw the lines between selfishness, not having a lot in common with others, and wanting to give this freedom to God.
I prefer to spend time alone in my own activities than anything that relates to others. Sometimes even to extent of being in conversations and wishing a Cessna or something would crash through the ceiling to make "this" conversation end. I also don't have a lot in common with others beyond the weather, death, and taxes.
The flip side is that in my beliefs and experience, nothing I do in life has any significance unless it fits somehow into the eternal order of things. Being unmarried means I am not distracted by the cares of this world and supporting a family. I can spend this time exploring the world with God. I can ask how the patterns I am interested in are woven together. I then work on art, music, or computer programs that implement such designs.
How have your dates/partners reacted? I don't date or have partners. I find it hard to know sometimes when it is best to disclose this information.
For example, last week a Facebook contact mentioned that she had trouble trusting people and in particular getting close to men. I thought that since she felt comfortable divulging this to me, never having been in a relationship or even kissing would be a strong indicator of a Very Low Probability for attributing such worries to me. It's been over a week and she hasn't responded. For all I know she has Uncle Ed hiding in her hedges with a shot gun scanning the night for virgin stalkers. So that bombed.
Also I have family members and coworkers who are fairly convinced that I am homosexual. I am 33, have good health, a college degree in computer science, like artistic things, get bored-to-death watching sports on TV, so this equates to being homosexual for them.
A few of the people I am close to seem to understand. I know of two other virgins; a 27 year old male, and a 30 year old female. Sometimes an unfortunate woman will find out and start circling in on me.
Any thoughts about cultural attitudes towards virginity? I wish virginity were more of a category within the social mind. For instance, if I say I like Alternative Rock people can categorize that, Trance yeah they've heard it, J-Pop gets some blank stares, but go much beyond that they try to cram you into some category they are familiar with, regardless if it has anything to do with you.