Today we're highlighting 25-year-old Elizabeth, who lives in the UK and writes a blog called Secret Virgin Diaries. She talks to us about tragic dates, public shaming and getting stuck with 'child men.' If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself: I'm a 25-year-old woman and struggling freelancer from the UK. I write a blog about being a single virgin. I like chocolate.
How do you define virginity? I was taught during sex education at school is that a virgin is someone who hasn't had penetrative sex, and that is still my personal definition of it. But I have seen discussion that it means someone's experience in a sexual act, which makes sense especially for defining lesbian sex.
Why did you decide to stay a virgin? I was a bit of a late bloomer, my mates were dating and I was off galloping on a horse across the Sussex downs. Admittedly I am not in the Cathrine Zeta-Jones league when it comes to looks. I was very much a wallflower and would sit in a dark corner. Once I got to university I found out how sexual I was. Like any woman, I was still very critical about my looks but became less of a wall flower.
I have had partners (well more like tragic dates) and they never went well. My very first was with a semi-stalker who demanded to know where I was 24hrs a day. The next couple were very insecure and more like children then men, wanting their hand held and wanting someone to wait outside the loos for them.
I did meet a couple of nice men while out drinking with some university mates, but one freaked me out by asking me to be in a "film." Also had my fair share of make-out sessions at the back of the club. It seems I am doomed to get stuck with the bottom-of-the-barrel men.
The one guy I could see myself being with didn't tell me his feelings and returned to Wales after finishing our course. I heard it through one of his mates and by then it was too late.
I have thought about just going out and doing it, but I have friends that lost their virginity at a young age to strangers and their stories of pain were a bit off-putting. I know each person is different but I don't want to be thinking about it while in the act.
How have your partners reacted? Sadly none stuck around long enough to tell. Most of my friends have been supportive.
Any general thoughts on virginity in our society? In film and TV they mock a person who is a virgin over a certain age, which as a virgin watching is uncomfortable. In magazines we are bombarded by photoshopped super slender women and muscle-bound men and expected to look like that and be very sexually active.
A few years ago I told some people in confidence that I was a virgin and they used it in a fight to shame me and a guy I was flirting with. Another so-called friend decided to out me to a large group of people. They stood in my defense and respected me for it while she bragged about how much more of a woman she was than me because she bedded a whole ton of men.
To me virginity doesn't make someone less of a woman/man. And we shouldn't be pressured into doing it either just "because." I find it a shame that admitting to being a virgin is something to be feared because you feel like you are being judged.
Please send us an email if you'd like to tell your story.