Today we're highlighting 26-year-old Jan, who is done with telling people she's a virgin because of the effect it has on the men she dates. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I'm an almost 26-year-old, straight, white woman from Texas who is still a virgin. I think the main reason for this is because I've never had a serious, long-term relationship in my adult life. I've gone on dates, I've "messed around," had drunken makeouts, but nothing has led to a relationship where I feel comfortable going further sexually. The guys I meet are really only interested in sex and if I don't give that to them within the first few dates or within a month, I'm tossed to the side without so much as a phone call or even a text.
How do you define virginity?
I had defined it as vaginal intercourse for a long time, but have recently revised that. I had my first real sexual experience with another person when I was 19, so if it's a matter of a hymen breaking, that was years ago. If it's oral sex, then I was 21. I mean, I've literally been completely naked with another guy, practically going through the motions without insertion and yet by traditional definition, I'm still a virgin.
I feel like not having vaginal intercourse is really a mere technicality, although my close girl friends tend to disagree and still think that I'm a virgin. As much as I love my friends, it's annoying and it kinda hurts when they think everything I've done isn't enough to declassify me as a virgin and that I just need to "get laid already."
I enjoy intimacy immensely, even if it's just a drunk make-out with a friend. As of right now, it's been six months since my last go-round and I think this is the longest dry spell I've had in a couple of years. It's also frustrating being the only single girl when almost all of my friends are either married, engaged or just in a long-term relationship.
How have your partners reacted?
Mentioning that to the guys I've been intimate with has been a deterrent, although not one has ever said anything derogatory about it. It's almost like they put me on a higher plane because of being my being a virgin in my mid-twenties, and they didn't want to be the "first one" to mess it up for me.
One guy I dated wanted so badly to have sex with me, but once I mentioned the virginity thing, he thought it over, said he absolutely respected my choice. He dumped me 2 1/2 weeks later, saying that we were just "no mas."
I want it to be with someone that I trust, and hopefully, a relationship that will actually go somewhere (not marriage! not ready for that) instead of abruptly ending after a month because I didn't put out fast enough. Maybe it's the guys I meet, they still think it's college and they should "hook up with as many girls as possible" and the only relationships worth having are those without strings attached.
I'm TIRED of being the single friend and the third wheel. It always amazes me the girls who jump from one relationship to another like it's nothing. I'm super laid back, smart, educated, I don't have any weird emotional baggage. It's confusing because I KNOW guys find me attractive, yet I don't understand what's wrong with me in that I don't know how to make them stay around. Then again, the guys I've been with weren't worth keeping, in retrospect. But is it just me? Had I not been a "virgin," would things have panned out differently?