Today we're highlighting 26-year-old Jan. Back then, she told us that so far nothing has "led to a relationship where I feel comfortable going further sexually." However she also felt that "not having vaginal intercourse is really a mere technicality, although my close girl friends tend to disagree and still think that I'm a virgin." But soon after we posted her story, she emailed us again with a kind of surprising update. She met a guy online who ended up coming to her town for work. They met up one evening and here's what happened:
I had planned on meeting him somewhere public, but eventually went to the hotel where he was staying, even though I wasn't exactly comfortable with the idea [please see our note at the bottom of this post]. So I get to his room, and he is just ridiculously hot. We sat on the bed and started talking. It turned out that we are both of [the same ethnic] heritage, which made him even more attractive to me and vice versa.
We were making out within 15 minutes and the clothes were mostly off within 30 minutes. We ended up not doing full penetration only because he was kind of big and it hurt like hell when he tried. I never said anything about my previous experience, but he did ask how many guys I'd been with. I panicked a little and said only one, which he found surprising. Pretty much everything we did was stuff I had done before. I really wanted to stay the night, but the thought of doing a walk of shame in front of my parents the next morning didn't seem like a great idea.
I really don't feel like I "lost" anything or that I'm suddenly a different person. I guess technically I'm not a virgin anymore, but I feel more like I just went a little bit further with him than I had done with previous partners.
He was definitely the first guy to bring me to orgasm, so that part was different. I really think had he not been a) so attractive and b) so sexually aggressive (in a good way), it probably would've just been another makeout. I'm more shocked at myself in that I was so intimate with someone I literally know like five things about.
We talked a little the next day. He asked if that's something I do a lot, and I told him no, what I had done was so out of character for me. I teased him about probably having a girl like me in every city he's laid over in, and he said no. I'm not completely sure if I believe him, but anyway, I don't regret it at all. I talked it over with my best friend, and she congratulated me and thought it was best for me to do it with someone like that so that my heart isn't broken if it was someone I was in a relationship with. I kind of agree and kind of don't.
I'm just surprised I was able to sleep with a guy that was so incredibly good looking and thought the same about me. He knew what he was doing, and listened when I said I didn't like something he was doing or was uncomfortable. It was just fun and crazy.
And now an update on the update:
I still haven't heard from the hottie in the story since that weekend, but I've met a really nice guy since then and we've been dating the last few weeks.
It's nice not feeling like I have the "virgin" burden weighing on me, but he did say after we were intimate the first time "You haven't had a lot of sex, have you?" I said yes, but that I wasn't a virgin and didn't go into much detail after that. He seemed satisfied with that answer. It's so interesting the way things work out.
Editor's note: We're really happy things worked out for Jan, but the big sister in us has to say that meeting strangers in private places like hotel rooms can be an extremely risky thing to do. You should always meet someone you don't know in a public place and then see how you feel about them. It doesn't matter what they want to do - this is all about your safety. Read this very useful post from the Yes Means Yes blog about SafeCalls.