Today we're highlighting an email entitled "Mormon Virginity." If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. I personally feel beyond inspired to write and share my story and how losing my virginity (for a long while) made me an outcast in my culture, religion and even family. I didn't even tell anyone, nor did I take proper precautions to protect myself. Instead I carried a burden of self loathing and even thoughts of suicide for years before I "came out of the closet" as a de-virginized girl.
I almost responded to my "first time" as a rape, psychological yes, but as traumatic for a sheltered Mormon girl as it could be to someone in another culture.
I began thinking virginity was the only thing that could be kept intact to justify my existence. After that priceless "virtue" was lost I then used sex as a way to devulge my overwhelming feelings of self-hate. I began a slew of escapades to try to somehow prove to myself that I wasn't broken, but wanted, even as a sexual being.
Today, I have a stronger and more healthy perspective on what sex means to me.
I now know that even if I am sexually "active" (I hate that term) that I am not JUST a sex maniac. I am a woman, a girl, a compassionate individual who has stood trial for who I am more times than I can count. I still have to remind myself these things in the face of extreme conditions, ultimately discrimination within the Mormon church as I am living in Utah.
I am happy to share, and maybe someone like I was at 20 could find solace in my experiences. So they can know that they are not alone, and not worthless.