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V-Card Diaries: EJD "Virginity has become a burden and a stigma; men are not *supposed* to be virgins"

Today we're highlighting EJD in Minnesota, a self-described Aspie guy whose sisters taught him to be skeptical about traditional sexual and gender ideas (Yay!). If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:

I'm a 21-year-old American male Aspie (high-functioning autistic/Asperger's syndrome) undergrad in Environmental Studies and an activist. I grew up in a secular, liberal household in a heavily Catholic community in a fairly conservative part of the state (we elected Bachmann. For multiple terms.) I didn't pay much attention to pop culture or to depictions of virginity growing up, and my two older sisters helped to instill in me from a fairly young age an acceptance of ideas of gender equality and skepticism about traditional sexual and gender ideas.

How do you define virginity?

The exact definition and importance of virginity in society seems to shift somewhat depending on cultural norms, but generally, virginity is a state of never having had sex. Beyond that, there is a world of hair splitting and semantics over what constitutes sex; I am not going to dictate to the world how these minute questions should be answered.

Tell us your story:

I dated for the first time late in high school, and it was short-lived. On my second relationship, which immediately followed that, I did engage in sexual acts, and so am not a virgin.

Any thoughts on virginity in our society?

I think, from a male perspective, virginity has become a burden and a stigma; men are not *supposed* to be virgins. I think this is a symptom and a reinforcer of a general culture among men that places a primacy on physical sex and on the 'pursuit' of women. That really undermines good behavior towards women, healthy relationships, and a positive and confident conception of masculinity, and so it needs to change.

Want to tell your story? Go to our submission page.