Today we're highlighting Lizzie from Canada who discusses personal journeys and getting it over with. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I’m 29 year old and until recently I considered myself a “virgin.”
How do you define virginity?
Because I am a heterosexual female, my own personal definition of virginity was penetrative intercourse with a man. This is just my own personal definition however, because it obviously excludes other situations for people of varying sexual identities.
Tell us your story:
When I was younger, I had every intention of waiting until I was married to have sex with my husband. As I matured, that idea seemed less and less authentic to me. I no longer identified with such a narrow view of sexuality, but the problem was that I needed my emotions to catch up with my ideas. Somehow what I thought was okay and normal for everybody else seemed wrong and somehow immoral when it applied to me. I had a late start in the dating world, and because of my lack of sexual experience, I was usually dealing with a lot of anxiety around the “virginity” issue. When I decided to share that piece of information about myself with some of my dates, that was often the last conversation we would have. Those types of reactions led me to consider “just getting it over with" but I knew that wouldn't be a good decision for me to make.
Any thoughts on how our culture views virginity?
I hate the word "virgin." Ugh. And don't get me started on the whole "white dress and veil" thing either ;-) I don't know why so many people (and media outlets) think it is their business to pass judgment on other people's sexual activity. Even though I was happy with my decision to remain a “virgin,” I had so much shame attached to that label because of what we are all bombarded with constantly from the media: being a virgin is somehow considered laughable and disgraceful. I find that the pressure from the media pushes young people to make decisions and take action with their sexuality that they are just not ready for. Why can't sexuality be seen as the personal journey that it really is? It can be such a wonderful path of self-discovery. When the time was right for me to take the final step, I just knew. I'm in a loving relationship, my partner did not have an adverse reaction to my “news,” and it just seemed silly to wait any longer because I didn't want to. The funny thing is that for all these years, I was building up that final act of penetration to be such a huge deal. Finally, it just meant that I was a little bit physically closer to my partner. All of our previous experiences up until that point were just as intimate, and just as special. I'm happy that I waited as long as I did because it meant that I had what was for me a perfect experience. My only regret is that I spent so many years feeling ashamed and upset and somehow "not good enough" or "not desirable enough" because of where I was on my personal journey.
Want to tell your story? Go to our submission page.