Today we're highlighting Lorelei, a 26-year-old woman living in New York City who believes that companionship is important to having a good sex life . If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I'm a 26-year-old female currently living in New York City.
How do you define virginity?
I've always defined virginity the technical way: oral or penetrative sex between two people. But apart from that, you can be a _____ virgin, like a kissing virgin or an anal virgin, etc.
Tell us your story
I'm a virgin (in the technical sense that I've never been penetrated by a penis; I own a size-able dildo and I unwittingly broke my own hymen when I was 13) who recently moved to NYC from the Midwest United States. Not only am I a virgin, I've never kissed a man or so much as held hands.
I have a love-hate relationship with my virginity; some days I feel like the biggest saddest freak in the world, the girl who can't handle human intimacy, because everyone else makes hopping into the sack look so EASY. It's easy for me to look at the hook-up and casual sex culture and get disappointed in society, although perhaps I don't have the right to be.
And then there's some days where I feel really proud of myself, not because I'm "pure" or anything, but because I simply haven't allowed myself to be coerced by peer pressure or media or dates into doing something I'm not sure I want to do yet. I'm a bit of a private person, and I've personally never had the urge to sleep with someone I wasn't emotionally involved with. I've never had fantasies of sex that didn't involve genuine love, caring, and intimacy, even the kinky ones.
I'm not one to tell people what to do, but personally I feel like sex in any other context is just people using each other (which, again, is fine between two consenting people but I don't think it's for me). So I guess I'm not so much 'waiting for the right person' as I am 'looking for someone who values me as a person and has the mental maturity and clarity to want to provide what I need and to accept what I can provide'. When I find someone who I like who has the capacity to care for me and accept my care for them, then I'll feel ready. The fact that I'm a virgin wouldn't be something I would disclose to someone right away, either. Let them earn that trust first.
I almost lost my virginity late last year to a guy I had been dating for a little while. He had a number of red flags flying and made short work of manipulating and bullying me with the goal of doing sexual things with me. When I told him I was a virgin he was incredulous and called me names. I felt like shit for a while but eventually I found out he had just lost his that past summer and he was my age, so I think he was self-hating and took it out on me. Anyhow, it was a very toxic relationship that I broke off before so much as holding his hand. Frankly I still feel like I dodged a bullet there.
I might fall to pieces the first time I have sex so I want it to be with someone I trust. I don't have time for guys who think I just have a nice rack, because guess what? When I take my bra off they sag and so he'd better be able to love that part just as much.
I don't sleep around, drink, or smoke, but I swear like a sailor and I own a variety of sex toys that would make my mother cry if she ever saw them. I've explored my own sexuality very thoroughly, I just haven't found someone I want to share it with yet. I want companionship because even though sex is vital to romantic relationships, the novelty of it does wear off. I also think that girls who have sex "to get it over with" (and I've known a few) are missing the point of sharing that intimacy between two people. Sticking to your values is most important. I'm going to make some guy very happy, even if I don't meet him until I'm 40 (I really hope it doesn't take that long, though).