Today we're highlighting Belle who is looking forward to enjoying sex, but only with the person she'll marry. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I am 22 and ready to be married. Not to "get" married–to be married and to be a partner in that marriage. I am also well educated, ambitiously furthering my education and career, and thus spend a great deal of time living in remote rural areas in a developing country. Given my personality, background, and beliefs, I am certain marriage is the best path for my life and I am ready to begin this journey with someone. I am struggling with the frustration that my lifestyle, while a product of my interests, abilities, and desires, does not allow me to cultivate a serious relationship–and I will not settle for anything less than I know I need.
How do you define virginity?
I believe in the sacredness of the privacy between a couple. To me, virginity is not something that is taken or lost--it is something added to the relationship between two people who care about each other and are aware of the emotionally components of sex.
Tell us your story
I am a virgin and believe I will wait to have sex until the man who will be my husband makes his intentions clear. While religiously contemplative, my feelings stem from my relationship experience, too complex to recount here. I am looking forward to sex and took joy in sharing my sexuality–though not sex–with an ex-boyfriend, who also viewed sex as a commitment and bond to be shared with the person he would marry. For me, being a virgin is not the product of lack of sex life. It is the result of the relationships I have chosen and expectations within those relationships. I am seeking a relationship characterized by faithfulness, courage, constancy, respect, love, loyalty, and joy. If I accept anything less, including a casual approach to sex, it would be with the self-knowledge that I know what I need and want and settled for something much less, and I can think of no worse way for me to inflict emotional self-harm. Unfortunately, I sometimes feel...sorrow: I am ready to begin a life I cannot choose and that may not be in my future.
Any thoughts on virginity in our society?
I think our society has taken the joy out of sex by seeking to erase the privacy, intimacy, and bond of sex and relationships. It seems to me there is such a fuss over virginity because the expectation is that everyone should want to know as much about sex as possible, preferably through experience with different partners; virgins, for various reasons, resist this discourse. For someone desiring to share sexual awakening with someone, to learn and respond only to that partner's needs and desires, and to place this within the context of a healthy relationship...I don't know if we have a place in society.
Want to tell your story? Go to our submission page.