Today we're highlighting Ferette, who originally wrote a First Person in 2010 where she said she was 'losing my virginity in slow motion. To me, throwing off your virginity isn’t like smashing a window, but ascending a flight of stairs." She recently contacted us with an inspiring update (complete with German Chocolate Cake) and we're really excited to publish it here. If you want to tell your story–or update your own status–go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.
Tell us about yourself (again) I'm a 27-year-old, black, straight recovering Southern Baptist female with a tendency towards over analysis. I wrote a First Person way back in July 2010, about virginity as process. Well, last week, right before my birthday, I finally took the plunge. And after I lost my virginity, I thought of three people to tell: My best friend, my college roomie and you for the blog. How did you lose it? I met him at a party. I hadn't even planned on going, but my girlfriend texted and it had been such a day that I wanted to let my hair down. A handsome, 34-year-old Johnny Depp-type, I didn't think he'd be interested, but as the night wore on it was apparent that we needed to get out of there or risk scandalizing the other guests. We went to his place, and hooked up, but no sex.
We spent the next day together, had lunch, snuggled, played video games. That second night while fooling around, I made the "big reveal." To his credit he was not incredulous, but considerate, asking how far I'd gone, and what I wanted. As things got hotter, he kept asking me, but I kept holding back (though my body's responses belied my words). Finally, going out of my mind with desire, I decided to give in to what I wanted.
It was unlike anything I'd expected. It wasn't awkward, or particularly painful. But it was unfamiliar... a sensory overload. Thankfully, I was with a guy who knew it was my first time, made communication a priority and cared about making that a good experience. How did you feel afterwards? When we were done, he started stroking my face and asked how I felt. And I told him: "That was great, but I don't feel any different. I don't feel used, or broken, or in love, or guilty or like a new woman. I still feel like me...and its fucking fantastic." I was worried that as much as I've progressed, some vestige of fundamentalist guilt would haunt me afterwards. So when it didn't, I was thrilled.
And did I mention afterwards he gave me German chocolate cake? Best post-coital offering ever! Any final thoughts? Though I'm really into him, before we started, I gave him two conditions:
1. I didn't want our having sex to label us in an exclusive relationship. 2. I didn't want our having sex now to take the possibility of a future relationship off the table, once we got to know each other
"So, even though we're going to have sex, you want to take things slow?" Yup, because sex does not a relationship make, and its too early, in my mind to start labeling. We want to get to know each other. But it hasn't prevented us from having a really great week, and I'm excited to see how things turn out.
So yeah, happy birthday to me.