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V-Card Diaries: Cloud Dancing "That first moment you free yourself from the negative messages about sex"

Today we're highlighting Cloud Dancing from Olympia, whose definition of virginity pivots pleasure. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:

I am 37 and from Olympia, WA. I am an "over" graduate student working on a new career at Evergreen State College. I am a cultural feminist; a belief in all things goddessy, kind, and generative about Feminism. And I am pro-radical honesty when it comes to issues of sex. I've dealt with being hypersexual all my life from my bipolar disorder. The subject has always interested me and enthralled me, so I know a good deal. Surprisingly it wasn't until I was 32 I was able to master having an orgasm with another person.

How do you define virginity?

I was born w/o a hymen so I really don't think it has much to do with a cherry getting popped or what-not. It is simply your first intercourse. But I believe it should be your first orgasm, that first moment where you were able to free yourself from all the negative messages about sex and just come together. I didn't have that till I was 25 and I wasn't really comfortable to let go with a partner in the room till 32.

Tell us your story

I always attributed my loss of virginity to my lover's best friend who got me high when I was 19 and completed intercourse with me as I lay there prone and rigid in a cold blue light, like I was watching it from outside my body. I suppose it was I had so much religious shame about sex, so much taught shame that I could not say the words to describe what I needed to enjoy pleasure. I did it because of the religious mythos imparted to the act that there was some mystical bond and it would be ultimate bliss like the movies or a romance novel.

But it was none of that. Just a cold blue light and the feeling of be penetrated lightly and it was over. Realizing sex was not some magical act that would turn me into some magical princess or bond me to a man forever was a hard lesson. And I found that in my foreplay/heavy petting sessions with my first lover were much more passionate and orgasmic compared to that cold little moment. And so it took me another ten years before I could say "penis" and "vagina" without blushing and where I could take control of my pleasure with my ex-husband.