Today we're highlighting Helen, a US college student who links her first sexual adventures to the sex-positive politics she has now. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I'm a 21-year-old American college student. Thanks to the internet, alcohol, and public transportation I've had a lot to write about concerning sex in my blog. Both my older sisters and my mother got pregnant in their teens, so I was raised to be wary about sex.
How do you define virginity?
I sometimes refer to those who have not had anal or vaginal penetrative intercourse as virgins. But there is a lot of gray area, and it gets defined differently by everyone. My last boyfriend and I had anal sex before we ever had vaginal sex, but he considered himself a virgin until the day his penis went into my vagina.
Tell us your story
I was 17 when I lost my virginity to a guy that I'd known for less than 24 hours. For a long time I had this idea that it would be "okay" to have sex once I was 18.
Eventually, thanks to Facebook I ended up with a boyfriend, 19 year old M1. We met up and I had a great time so when he asked me to be his girlfriend I said yes. We made out a lot and he couldn't keep his hands off of my breasts, even in front of his friends. He kept pressuring me to have sex two weeks into the relationship. I didn't actually like him that much, but he took me out to hang with his friends who smoked weed and had tattoos, so I just told him I wanted to wait a little longer.
He had a party where I met a friend of his with the same name, M2. He asked me to hang out the next day, a Sunday. M2 was 19 but didn't have a car, so he came by on his bicycle. I rode on the back and he pedaled us to his house in the next town over. He made me the best scrambled eggs I've ever had in my life, then we watched TV in his room. He was talking to another girl on his computer when suddenly he stopped and looked at me. "You want to kiss me, don't you?" I nodded yes, and next thing I knew we were making out and he asked me if I wanted to have sex.
I told him I needed to think about it and laid next to him in silence for about five minutes before saying yes. I had decided that it wasn't a big deal and I liked this guy enough that I wouldn't regret it. I got on top, lowered myself slowly, and it didn't hurt too bad. I remember saying, "I heard it hurt the first time but damn!" It was fun, and M2 helped me figure out how to break up with M1. I did it the next day. I stayed with M2 for about three weeks. We had sex pretty much every time we were together. He claimed to not be interested in oral or anal sex. It often lasted hours...though I never had an orgasm with him.
Then M2 went away to visit a friend who was in college four hours away. I sneaked out of my window to say goodbye to him at the train station. When he got back, I called to ask about his trip and he asked who I was. When I told him my name he asked if he could call me back. He didn't call back two hours later; I sent him a text message saying it was over.
Since then I've had a lot of sexual adventures. I don't regret any of it; I've turned into a very sex positive, self-confident person. It took a while but I think it would have taken even longer had I waited.
Any thoughts on virginity in our society?
Our society treats the concept of virginity as a measure of value. Both women and men are hurt by the pressures to either be sexual or remain "pure." It does no one any good when we glorify sex and virginity in such an unrealistic fashion while refusing to educate youth with real facts.
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