Today we're highlighting MM in Virginia, a self-described "late bloomer" whose first sexual encounter was less fun than the bubble bath she took afterwards. But she loved the year of discoveries that came after. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I am 25, and live in Virginia. I went to college, moved abroad to teach English in France, moved back, and have traveled on four continents. I am currently underemployed and not in a relationship, although there are a few possibilities for that on the horizon. I move a lot trying to find a good job.
How do you define virginity?
Sexual contact with someone else's genitals...that kind of intimacy/loss of "innocence". I think that if you've had oral sex, you aren't a virgin. But of course there are lots of kinds of virginity. Intercourse might be another "virginity level" to attain.
Tell us your story
I waited. I wanted to be in a relationship when I first had sex... but then I didn't seek out any relationships. When I was 12 my older sister had a baby at age 17, so I was also pretty terrified of pregnancy and STDs for a while. I was focused on work and school and just didn't put myself out there. I was also suffering from poor body image, and just internalized way too many messages from the media/my family that I was the "plain sister." Both my sisters were married young, I think my little sister even got pregnant before I even first had sex.
I usually told people the truth when playing "never have I ever" or when sex came up. Towards that last year though, I had one friend I had to lie to, she just wouldn't stop asking about it, I just invented a story around a guy I had actually gone on one date with. And I even implied to my mother that I'd had sex when she tried to tell me guys wouldn't be into me if I didn't shave my armpits on the regular.
But then, last year, almost exactly a year ago, I was sick of waiting. I didn't want anything to be awkward with future dates. I went out to a bar with a friend, and let myself get picked up by a, in retrospect, horrible guy. He was in town on business: ideal, never see him again! It was awesome in that respect, just what in the end I needed. I didn't tell him, I just got it done. The bubble bath I took when I get home was better!
After that though, I felt more confident to throw myself on the dating market. I dated a coworker, slept with the friend of a friend, and dated online. I had a "friends with more" situation with someone for 8 months and it was awesome. It wasn't until I met him that I had my first orgasms (including multiples! OMG) and learned how to really masturbate and get myself off. It's been a great year.
It can be weird to be a late bloomer, because despite my late virginity, I have a very high sex drive and love talking about sex. It can be so much fun, but its a difficult line to walk, TMI with your friends or not.
I think in the end, just do what feels right for you. I don't regret waiting until I was 24. I might slightly regret the anonymous nature of my first encounter, but honestly waiting until I was older to have sex, I had so many more interpersonal and communication skills that made everything so much easier and more fulfilling.
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