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And I thought the dirty toothbrush Abstinence analogy was bad...

"While I was busy snatching my Hershey Kiss back from my spit-swap partner so I could eat it my damn self (a move pretty predictive of my future sex life, come to think of it) my best friend was frantically wondering if there was any way to unlick your Hershey Kiss." "Our teachers were so busy trying to scare us away from ever having sex, lest we wind up half-masticated slut-sandwiches, that they couldn't be bothered to teach us adequate birth control, or the importance of consent, or how to make sex pleasurable instead of terrifying and shameful."

Exerpts from a totally hilarious and totally alarming story of one woman's food-themed abstinence-only classes at