Today we're highlighting Ginko in a military barracks in Europe, who thinks there are many ways to be a virgin, sexually or otherwise. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I'm 29 and have not had partnered sex.
I've masturbated, I've read articles, I've been to at least two sex museums and for a number of years I lurked on a few sex-worker blogs before I lost the addresses. I've browsed through porn DVDs/manga/comics, I have books written by sex workers, drag queens and transsexuals.
I currently follow several sexologist news streams on face book, donated pictures of my vulva to be made into vulva art necklaces and actively want a copy of the "How To Lose Your Virginity" DVD.
The only thing I have not done is have sex with a partner. I currently live out of the United States, stationed in Europe living in a military barracks, and my solo sex life could use much improvement but I have a roommate that never leaves.
I do not participate in the party culture. I do not understand them and never enjoyed the times I *tried* to become part of them (I mention this because part of the reason why I still haven't had partner sex is because I mostly avoid being around other people. I can not imagine why this would prevent me from having partner sex. It is a mystery).
How do you define virginity?
A first time, a lack of experience. A personal evolution.
If you never been in combat–you are a virgin. If you never been hunting–you are a virgin. If you've never been out of country or state or home town–you are a virgin. If you never done something before–you are a virgin. Once you have, you are changed. You know. You've experienced. You've gotten out of your house and lived a life.
Virginity is not sexual, it is experience gained and ignorance lost. We are all virgins to various forms of information and experiences. There is no shame in "losing" virginity, but there is shame in clinging to ignorance.
Tell us your story
I am not waiting for a 'someone.' My social skills are non-existent, honestly I wouldn't know what to do with a 'someone' once I found them.
I've heard people talk about their sex lives. Most seem to make it a point to say how much they like not like having sex. This confuses me–why have sex when you do not like it? Why have sex with someone you don't even like? Why have sex and not orgasm and convince yourself that "the Great Orgasm" is a thing of myth and settle for an unfulfilled sex life?
I do not like the culture of virgin bashing any more than I like non-virgin bashing. Neither one is better than the other. It makes it very hard to talk directly about sex. Because as I have never had "the real thing" I am an object. Something to be praised, pitied, fetishisized, blown off, lectured, condemned, to be bullied or ignored.
Both recent times I've been "outed" I ended up getting a winding lecture what I think was suppose to be a complement...to some thing (I think the guy's ego because it was more condescending then anything). The other more or lest made an offer to the tune of "if it doesn't go in, it is not cheating" (he was engaged) and of course, he intentions were honorable so if anything *hint* *hint* was going to happen *hint*, then *I* would be the one to initiate it.
Just because I have not had partner sex, does not mean I am stupid. But, apparently in a way it does. I've had a lot of damage done to my thinking and ability to process information on the subject while growing up that I am working on undoing. I have been trained and programed to live in fear and to *not* have sex, let alone talk about it and enjoy it. Talking about it helps...some. It's a start.