Today we're highlighting Scarlett, who eased into sex with a caring partner, while managing a difficult past that included sexual molestation by a family member. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I'm nearly 18, a college freshman majoring in Interior Architecture and living in the US
How do you define virginity?
Haha, as my first relationship developed, so did my definition of this word, just so I would still be able to call myself a virgin. The last thing I labeled it as was when a vagina is fully penetrated by a penis. I do believe homosexuals can lose their virginity to each other, however I haven't developed my own definition for that yet.
Tell us your story
I remember being 15 and knowing, just knowing I would be a virgin until a time after my wedding. Honestly I planned to hide out in the bathroom on the wedding night until the groom was asleep.
Then I met him. Somehow I knew I could trust him and within the first few weeks I told him everything about my darkest secret: I was molested by a family member several times when I was younger. I really think this affected the way he treated me in our relationship when we started dating five months later. He was insistent that sexual doings weren't necessarily bad or scary, and of course that we should do them (horny teenagers right?). That was the full extent of the pressure he put on me to have sex.
Shortly before we started dating we went to prom together, but he didn't dance "on" me. He was worried about scaring me away if I felt a certain part of him. Six months after we started dating, we explored each other's bodies. Though we had talked about it earlier and I agreed to it, he still asked to touch me, and asked again when things went lower. Because of all the stuff out there about girls' first times being unpleasant, he asked me to at least try masturbation.
A year after we began dating we decided on partial penetration. It didn't work out too well. I started going a bit too far but he held back, unwilling to violate our earlier agreement. The next day he did go farther, but still not enough. I said we had already passed our earlier agreement anyway, so why hold off? He wholeheartedly agreed, and it was nice (with a condom, of course).
I did not orgasm then, to his credit he did try to make me after he did. But I only began to get sore. I did cry afterwards; not because I wasn't a virgin anymore, but because I didn't want him to go. So he held me. There weren't any huge sparks and I still didn't orgasm for quite awhile after that, but I loved each time. Plus it only got better, and better, and better.
To this day, he's still careful about hurting me emotionally during sex. I could tell him to stop at ANY point and he would.
But don't think of him as a sweet wuss with no backbone. He looks at me like he's going to eat me and has no qualms about pushing me onto the bed and various other things of that nature.
It occurred to me while reading other first-time articles that mine seems unusually good. I can't believe the unfeeling way some people were treated. It's especially saddening/angering to see that it was/is thought to be normal. I wish more people could have had better first times, more caring partners. He helped heal the scars left from when I was younger and aided my education about safe-sex. I was his first everything. While I'm thankful he was my first kiss and lover, I wish so much that he could have been my first everything as well.
I honestly believe first times are important, not just for sex but for anything we do. Anybody remember a first plane ride? first pet? Sometimes first times suck, but we learn from them. I learned to stick up for myself and then learned how wonderful sex can be.