Today we're highlighting Elizabeth in Illinois, who describes how being queer and a virgin has made her feel ashamed and isolated. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I am a 26 year old virgin lesbian living in Illinois suburbia. I'm single and have never been in a relationship. Due to a failed art degree I have been living with my parents while struggling to find a way to be on my own.
Despite being Hispanic American, my family is heavily assimilated and religion is not enforced in the household. My parents want me and my siblings to simply be good people. Virginity is neither discussed nor frowned down upon and I assume that my parents know that if there is sexual activity then it is responsible. And it just never happened for me. I never met the right person and I'm closer to being 30 than I am 20.
How do you define virginity?
As a gay woman, I consider virginity as the lack of sexual experience. When two people interact sexually and go beyond kissing and groping into more deeper activities then they are no longer virgins.
Tell us your story
All throughout high school, college and post graduation I just never came across another lesbian. The ones I did were already in relationships. Therefore, I am absolutely untouched. And there is NO question about my orientation, I knew I was different ever since I was little. I can acknowledge that a man is attractive, but I feel nothing for them.
But sex is everywhere and everyone is having it. My friend, who used to be a male prostitute and who engages in one night stands tells me that I overestimate how much people have sex and every time those words play in my head I want to scream.
Another "best" friend of 15 years (straight female) claimed she was a virgin up until last year when she admitted that not only is she extremely sexually promiscuous but she lost her virginity to a married man. I thought she was a good liar until I realized that the only reason that I believed that she was still a virgin was because I still am...I guess it's more of a matter of "what's wrong with me?" Especially when from my point of view, a lot of women who identify as heterosexual engage in no-strings attached sexual escapades with other women. It feels like a slap in the face to me.
The kicker? Men hit on me a lot. But as I said before, I'm just not interested.
I just feel so isolated and alone in this and I don't think anyone who has been sexually active will ever understand me. I can't even admit that I'm a virgin to my therapist, the thought alone makes me cry non-stop. At this point, I don't even know if it's about "sex" anymore. But the media and my friends don't help.
Any thoughts on virginity in our society?
It's very much stigmatized, ridiculed and it makes me ashamed of myself. There is the saying "It Get's Better" I'm starting to think it never will.