Today we're highlighting B, a 42-year-old living in Detroit, Michigan, whose first time was with a bad boy who joined the marines a week later. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I'm 42, female and in Detroit, MI. I work in IT for a living, and I'm a geek. I've been in a committed relationship with a lovely geek boy for 13 years.
How do you define virginity?
Virginity is such an odd concept. I guess when I was a virgin I defined it as never having had "below the belt" action involving a penis. Now I'm not sure how I define it. Sex, to me, is a much more complex thing than just penetration, and for those not having sex with men there may be no penis involved at all. I'm a little fuzzy on the whole thing to be honest.
Tell us your story
I was 19–four months shy of my 20th birthday–and I was tired of being a virgin. My college roommate was dating a "bad boy" (with a penchant for burglary), and his "bad boy" friend had expressed an interest in me, so we started hanging out. "T" was a good-looking guy who was my age, and I was a brainiac geeky goth girl who didn't date much. I wasn't used to getting that kind of attention, and it was nice.
Thankfully I had been raised in a household where my mother was very open with me, and she encouraged me to consider having sex before marriage when I was ready. She had been a virgin on her wedding day and had in some ways regretted her lack of experience. We weren't an overly religious household, so there was not much talk of virginity in my house period.
My mother's openness made sex less of a mystery for me. I felt much more confident in saying no because I didn't feel ready, or it didn't feel right, because I knew what would happen and how it worked. I had discovered masturbation around age 12 and I could get myself off, so I was in no rush. Of course, once I felt ready my dating pool had dried up, and I hadn't had the opportunity to do it.
"T" and I were at his house one night after seeing each other for about a week, and I just decided I wanted to do it. He was hot, we'd bonded over various bands/books/films, The Cure was playing in the background, and our kissing had turned into something more. I was ready.
I blurted out to "T" that I was a virgin, and that I wanted to have sex with him, cause I'm awkward like that. He was a little shocked at first, but he giggled and said "OK". He said he'd never had sex with a virgin before, but he would try to make it a really good experience. He had condoms, and I was on the pill, so we went for it.
We undressed one another in low light, kissed, touched, and we had sex. Real, honest-to-god sex, in missionary position. "T" checked in with me several times, asked if I was OK, or if we needed to stop. Truthfully it hurt a bit at first, then it started to feel OK, and when it finally started feeling good... he came... and it was... OK.
"T" made sure I finished and had a good time after he came, and then we just held one another until we fell asleep. The next morning I had to leave to get ready for work, and it was like it was the most normal thing in the world. We kissed, I headed off feeling a bit sore, but lovely otherwise.
When I thought about it later that day I thought "is that it?" For something that people spend so much time talking about it was... not that big a deal. I didn't feel particularly different after losing my virginity. A bit sore, maybe, but otherwise nothing had changed.
A week later "T" ended up joining the Marine Corp instead of going to jail in a plea deal for breaking and entering. He shipped out almost immediately. It wasn't much of a heartbreak, we had both been comfortable, but neither of us were "in love." We only had sex the one time, but it was a nice experience and I look back on it fondly.