Today we're highlighting AC in Illinois, who took things slowly with her long-distance boyfriend. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I'm a 21-year-old female college student in Illinois, USA
How do you define virginity?
The state of never having had sex. I like the Scarleteen definition of sex, which is basically "being sexual." I also like the concept of there being multiple virginities, each for a different act. But I have a hard time applying these broad definitions to myself.
Tell us your story
I was in a long-distance relationship and the first time he came to visit me, he got a hotel room. We'd hang out there every evening and then I'd have to drive home by myself. It was my first time doing anything physical with someone, and it was a great environment to take things slowly and explore together. We went a little farther every night, but never got past making out in our underwear. We'd discussed having sex before, but I knew as soon as I entered the room and saw the bed and he started kissing my neck, that it wasn't something I was ready for yet.
Eventually, over visits, we got to giving each other orgasms through oral and stuff. But we never figured out how to have PIV sex. My theory is that we were just never relaxed enough; he was nervous and I felt a lot of pressure because I knew we would only be together for a few weeks at a time.
One day he told me that he considered what we did "making love" even if we weren't "having sex." Other times, he'd refer to what we were doing as "sex" which was a comfort to me. I think of myself as pretty open-minded, but I was pretty concerned about what we were and weren't doing.
Now that we broke up without ever having PIV sex, I have to decide if I consider myself a virgin any more. But I know that when I think about "first times," I remember things like putting his hand under my shirt in his hotel room.