Today we're highlighting Ellen in Pennsylvania, whose first time wasn't what she'd planned but was a learning experience. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I'm 17, female, and I live in southeastern Pennsylvania.
How do you define virginity?
I think virginity is the point where you're comfortable enough to share your body with someone and not worry about what comes after.
Tell us your story
I was usually that odd girl out. I didn't hang out much with friends, though I was always friendly and ready to talk. I never had a boyfriend. I have some things to work out mentally before I commit to someone for any length of time. I was always aware of my body. I've been running track for years and I'm pretty good at gauging myself mentally and physically. A few years ago, I struggled with an eating disorder and a lot of mental stuff, but I came through with flying colors and I consider myself strong for it.
A little while ago, I decided I was ready to take the next step in my quest for a full life and able body. To me, that meant seeing what this sex thing was all about. I started talking to my friend who was a little more experienced than me with this kind of thing. We texted, sent pictures back and forth and one day, today actually, I picked him up and took him home to my house.
We made cookies, talked, and eventually made our way upstairs. We cuddled and started to get a little more hot and heavy. First we fingered, kissed, and generally had some fun. He led me along, told me what felt good and what to do. He was gentle and eventually, he asked if I was ready.
I really had no idea, having no experience, so I said yes. At first, it didn't work well. I was still too tight, so I went down on him and then we tried again. This time, he pressed and pressed, and eventually it stopped hurting. A little while after, he said I was bleeding. I wiped myself up and then we kept going. We got back into it and tried a few different positions, generally just having fun and exploring what felt good. Eventually, he came and took the condom off (use a condom, kids) and we just cuddled.
He hung out for a little while and then went home. I'm writing now and I don't feel bad at all. Maybe I should, but in the end, it really was not a big deal to me. I don't feel much different, I don't feel like there's this big change in my life. I don't even think I'll act any differently around guys, to tell the truth. I am who I am, and I've known my identity for a long time now. I had fun, I learned a few things (I'm good at going down apparently) and I think I feel more confident that I know what to do in bed.
Find what works for you, don't stress too much, and just go with the flow. Grand plans fall through, so sometimes you just gotta go with it. I wasn't in a relationship, and I don't want one with the guy I was with. This may not work for everyone, but it worked for me, and I don't feel an ounce of regret. I'm just me.