Today we're highlighting R in the UK, who questions her intentions and method, but definitely doesn't regret her kinky first time. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I'm eighteen, female, a lesbian and from the UK.
How do you define virginity?
Virginity is a very personal concept. It can vary between ages, genders, beliefs, orientations and locations. When I first started considering myself a lesbian, I debated the concept even more, and thought to myself that my first sexual experience with another girl would be what I would define as "losing my virginity." As it turned out, it didn't quite happen that way.
Tell us your story
I was 17 when I lost mine - not that the people I was with knew that! I'd met them on the internet, doing all the things everyone's parents warned them about. I had signed up to this particular site, lied about my age in order to do so and, when I replied to a discussion they had started, we started talking.
When I say they, there were two of them. They were a couple, both in their early forties, and into BDSM. Meanwhile, I was open about my inexperience on the site, but also with an open mind and keen to learn, having been curious about "the scene" since I started reading erotica a few years earlier.
We established the fact that all three of us shared a number of kinks. They also later brought up that they themselves had a "virginity kink" as such–a fantasy of being with someone inexperienced and teaching them, showing them all the things you could do. I was keen to learn.
I decided to take up their offer for a number of reasons: I wanted the chance to explore and experiment. I wasn't going to rule out anything before I'd tried it, including having sex with a man. Having a woman there as well made it the perfect compromise. They would get a rare chance to explore one of their kinks they'd never been able to before. They themselves were some of the loveliest and funniest people I'd ever met, and, more than anything, they made me feel desirable.
And it ended up happening. We met up and had sex. There were kinks involved; I was tied up, spanked and blindfolded; we role played. We hit many different forms of sex in the space of just a few hours–manual, oral, vaginal, anal, giving and receiving, male and female. There was one point where I was even double-penetrated! We laughed and we joked and we had fun. Afterwards, we cuddled, and I was held between them and I felt wanted. It seemed like the biggest deal in the world, yet it also seemed like nothing.
Part of me looks back on the whole experience and wonders whether I did it for the right reasons. At the time we had begun talking, I felt undesirable and had not long before come to terms with my sexuality. The only "out" person in my school year group of 100 or so girls, I felt like finding someone was a distant prospect. However, I still don't regret it. As I was taking the train back home, I felt like I was glowing. I felt empowered.
Either way, it's a good story I can tell at parties later.
Editor's note: We're really happy things worked out for R, but the big sister in us needs to say that meeting strangers in private places can be an extremely risky thing to do. You should always meet someone you don't know in a public place and then see how you feel about them, and be sure to tell friends exactly where you are going beforehand. It doesn't matter what they want to do–this is all about your safety. Read this very useful post from the Yes Means Yes blog about SafeCalls.