Today we're highlighting Taylor in California, who thinks she should lose her virginity on prom night, but doesn't really feel ready. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:
I am an 18-year-old female living in California and I'm going off to college in the fall. I always thought that I would lose my virginity on Prom night, because it seemed like the most "normal" and "cliché" thing to do. But Prom is next Saturday, and even though I have a boyfriend, and I like him a lot, I'm not ready to have sex. I wish there was some sort of dial built into your body that tells you if you're "ready" or not. I'm a very logical person and I don't like not having clear-cut answers. Unfortunately, no one can actually tell me if I'm ready or not.
How do you define virginity?
I define virginity as penetrative sex. But only because it "breaks" the hymen and there is physical proof that you are no longer a virgin. I realize that this sounds incredibly ignorant, but that's just what I've been taught by the Christian church.
Tell us your story
My parents always taught my brother and I that we wait until marriage to have sex. When I was young and my parents taught me how babies were made, they explained it as if it was a scientific procedure that can only be done in a sterile environment. I had no idea that sex was supposed to be "fun" until high school.
Yet I still did not understand that pleasure can be brought from your Yoni until I stole my Mom's back massager and went to town. Which she later discovered and shamed me for.
I think that my parents unknowingly placed a lot of guilt and shame around anything sexual, and then as I approached 18, my Mom realized that I was afraid of anything sexual and rephrased it to "No sweetie, sex is great! You just have to wait until marriage to enjoy it." I am still in therapy today, and I'm working on not thinking about my parents whenever I'm making out with my boyfriend.
Note from the editors: We don't usually chime in on V-Card Diaries, but sometimes we want to point you to further reading. If you were taught that the hymen is physical proof that you're no longer a virgin, take a spin through our Hymenology stories, which will give you lots of good info to the contrary.