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V-Card Diaries: Emily Rose "First time I made love felt like divine intervention, an angelic conspiracy"

Today we're highlighting Emily Rose in Chico, California, who is currently exploring celibacy, but feels like the Universe definitely approved her first time. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. Tell us about yourself:

My name is Emily Rose, and I'm 252 days in on a year-long celibacy journey. The ultimate goal of which is to become more in touch with what I call "spiritual sexuality," through cleansing, re-identifying, and reclaiming my inherent capabilities as a human being. I'm a 31-year-old female, and I live in Chico, CA. Last night I wrote a blog post about how I lost my virginity, and my friend sent me the link to your website. SO AWESOME. Thank you for bringing awareness to this aspect of sexuality.

How do you define virginity?

For heterosexuals, I define virginity as intentional vaginal penetration with penis. For homosexual females, intentional vaginal penetration with partner.

Tell us your story

I’ve been having sex since I was 17 years old. In fact, my mom lost her virginity at that age. Without the topic being openly discussed, I adopted the perspective that 17 must then be the “appropriate” age to lose my virginity. So I waited. Having always been highly in tune with my intuition, which I then interpreted regularly through very obvious and distinct “signs” from the Universe, I also waited for everything to be “perfect.” Really, I needn’t put that in quotes, as the first time I made love felt like an angelic conspiracy—a divine intervention in what was otherwise an emotionally turbulent childhood.

One night, a few friends were out at the house. Everyone was inside, except for my sweetheart and me. We were kissing on one of the many grassy areas. The night was balmy, and the sky was clear—a gift in Oregon. I could even see the stars. My sweetheart asked if I wanted to go all the way. I said yes. He offered to get a blanket from the car. I said yes again. I knew it’d give me enough time to check in with the Universe. Nervous, yet excited, I looked to the sky and begged the Universe for a sign to let me know this was the right moment for this life-changing event. A shooting star responded by traveling across the entire sky. My heart and body relaxed as I realized the depth of the communication, and the moment. The rest of the evening is a blur, but the sign remains clear as that clement night in my memory.

My sweetheart and I stayed together for a long time. Even after high school, we held a flame for one another. For ten years or more, I was convinced he was my soul mate, but that we’d met too young, and weren’t ready to be in each others’ lives. It wasn’t until we reunited, for what I’m sure was the last time, that I finally realized we were not meant to be. But man oh man he gave me so much in my life. The gift of my first love-making experience, the relationship-drama that caused so much heart-ache and eventually led to my current extensive education on the subject, and Miss CaliCat. If I’d continued reading my journal entries, you’d have known him well by now. He set the stage for many of my Love Languages. He gifted me love notes and flowers, showered me with affection and attention, and was ridiculously good-looking. Okay, so that’s not a love language, but damn, it was a bonus.

Watching my trust in the Universe and my obeying of the heart and soul at such a young age humbles me as an adult. I feel so much gratitude for the dance I’ve been in with life.