From time to time we republish our favorite posts. This originally ran in July, 2011.
We talk a lot about our very hazy definitions of virginity and how unhelpful they can be in describing our sexual experience. So, we loved this list from Heather Corinna, (founder of Scarleteen and one of the stars of our film). It's part of an article she wrote for RH Reality Check on issues around virginity:
Instead of saying "I'm a virgin," or "I'm not a virgin," or "I wish I could be a virgin again," how about:
"I haven't participated in [whatever kind of] sex yet."
"I haven't had vaginal intercourse before."
"I haven't had sex with someone I love before."
"I haven't engaged in sex I felt satisfied with yet."
"I haven't experienced sex that felt like sex to me yet."
"I was sexually assaulted or abused: I haven't yet had consensual sex."
"I've changed a lot since I did sex in the past, so I feel like I'm starting over with it."
"I haven't been part of sex with a partner of [whatever gender] yet."
"I haven't had sex when I identified as [whatever gender, orientation or other identity] yet.
"I haven't been part of sex yet that I've actually enjoyed."
"I did have sex already, but it just wasn't what I wanted it. I want to have sex that's the way I envision it at its best."
"I haven't experienced sex in this kind of relationship before."
"I haven't been involved in sex since I knew what I wanted or felt able to ask for it."
"I haven't had sex since I really felt ready for it."
"I have had sex before, but I wasn't happy with it, and I feel like I'd like to restart my sex life fresh, and aim to do that."
"I didn't realize what sex was before and that's what I was doing, so I feel like now that I do is when I'm really having my first times."