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V-Card Diaries: Lee "I'm glad I was drunk enough so I can't remember everything that happened."

*Trigger warning for sexual assault* Our latest V-Card Diaries comes from Lee from Vermont, who was tired of waiting but ended up having a really bad experience. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. We'd love to run it in this blog.

About me:

I'm 24, female, from Vermont.

How I define virginity:

For heterosexuals, I define it as penis penetrating the vagina or anus. For gay men, penis penetrating the anus. I'm not sure what I'd consider losing virginity for gay women.

My story:

I was 23 when I had sex for the first time. I was tired of being the only one of my friends that hadn't had sex, and I didn't want to turn 24 before it happened. A friend of mine had a cousin coming to town who had rented a hotel room, and mentioned that he was cute and I might like him. We went out drinking, and he kept buying drinks for me and dancing. I went back to the hotel with him, and even though I wasn't that attracted to him, I had decided it was a good night to get it over with. I didn't change my mind until he told me he didn't have any condoms.

I offered to give him a blow job instead, but he got too rough and I had to stop. Next thing I knew I was lying on the bed and he was inside of me. I was so relieved he'd stopped hurting my throat that I didn't say anything, just waited for him to stop so I could fall asleep. Sex itself didn't feel like much compared to how painful the blow job had been. The next morning I left before he woke up and drove myself home. Part of me is glad to have gotten that experience over with, but I wish it had been some other way. I'm glad I was drunk enough so I can't remember everything that happened. It was a month before I could look at myself and feel sexy again. I haven't had sex since then.