Today we're highlighting Audra Mae in the Ohio, whose bad feelings about her first partner can't erase the awe-inspiring sensations and amazing memories. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:
18; bisexual female; Ohio
How I define virginity:
I used to stick to the traditional "Until your male partner sticks it in ya, you're a virgin" definition. But now, I'm more of a "You went beyond heavy petting and kissing, past tops off but bra and pants still firmly on? You are not a virgin" gal.
Here's my story:
My first time was at age 15. I was a sophomore, he was a senior and had just turned 18. We had been “friends who flirt” for several months and finally decided to take action on that front.
We met at Chipotle for lunch and then went to my house. We curled up in the floor of my basement, watched movies, and during the second movie he started to give me a neck massage, which made me horny beyond belief. Very slowly, he worked his way down and around until he was essentially massaging my breasts. At that point he backed off, saying he didn't want to push me past my limits, which I had yet to state. I expressed my desire to keep going and we did, despite my jeans trying to block access. I knew he had experience, but was unprepared for the mind blowing sensation of having someone else, especially someone who knew what he was doing, touching me intimately, something I myself had only begun to do a few months prior. I was almost to orgasm when my brother opened the door and started down the stairs. Luckily, we moved fast enough to not be seen.
Two weeks later, we met at his house and progressed to oral, and three days later he had dumped me for the next girl. I was very hurt, because I had genuinely believed he found me special and attractive, and I was very depressed, lonely and naive at the time. After some consideration, I have come to the conclusion that, since he knew I was easy to manipulate, he figured he would have a little fun with me, play with me like a cat with a mouse whose tail is caught under its paw. And after reports of his treatment of the next girlfriend, I am confident in saying it was abusive and would have turned very bad had it continued any longer.
Do any of the bad feelings erase the awe-inspiring sensations, the amazing memories I collected? Absolutely not. He may have been an absolute jerk who broke my heart, but he did give me not just my first kiss (the same day as Chipotle, after the brother incident) but my first orgasm I hadn’t given myself (unfortunately, the second visit, as my mom and I took him home soon after the brother incident and I was too scared to do anything in the interim). Should I have maybe been more careful? Definitely. But as a plus-sized gal, I had had no romantic experience, so I was desperate.
It taught me a valuable lesson though: watch for red flags and if something sets alarm bells ringing, pay attention. His actions did not read right but I ignored my gut. Never doing that again if I can help it, which I am 110% sure I can.