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Asexuality

Our valentine's gift to you: a month of quotes & graphics from the V-Card Diaries on sex & virginity

Every year, we do an outreach project around Valentine's Day inspired by our documentary How To Lose Your Virginity. This year, in keeping with the themes of the film, we're pushing back against standard narratives about sex, virginity and relationships (with their implied judgement of anyone who's not conforming) to show how diverse experiences around sexuality and relationships can be. 

All through the month of February (V-Month!), we're posting a graphic a day created by Trixie Films interns Bree and Sally. Incorporating quotes from stories submitted to our interactive project The V-Card Diaries, they've created 29 striking graphics. The quotes are about having sex, not having sex, being queer, being asexual, rejecting the virginity construct, and more.

You can see the full set on Tumblr, and they're also showing up on Facebook and Twitter throughout the month of February. 

Here are some ways you can be a part of this project:

See the full and growing set of graphics here along with selected V-Card Diaries stories.

Submit your own graphics and quotes on tumblr or email them to us and we'll post them.

Share your own anonymous story at The V-Card Diaries.

Read all The V-Card Diaries stories here.

Repost and amplify this project, especially if your work speaks to young women and men.  

In case you're not familiar with The V-Card Diaries, it's our crowd-sourced interactive story-sharing site where everyone can access and share diverse stories about sexuality and virginity in total anonymity. With almost 400 stories and counting, the project tells a collective story about becoming sexual–and the radical act of speaking honestly about it. The project, which as exhibited at the Kinsey Institute, is a companion piece to our documentary How To Lose Your Virginity, which examines how our sexual culture affects young people's lives.

If you'd like to write about this project, our V-Month graphics project, contact us!

V-Card Diaries: TeddyBear "I'm rather asexual, though cuddling is nice."

Today we're highlighting TeddyBear in New York City, who has never wanted to be sexually involved with anyone. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

Age 55, male, live in New York City.

How I define virginity:

Never having had sex with someone else.

Here's my story:

I'm a 55-year-old male virgin. I'm rather asexual. While I do fantasize and masturbate, I've never wanted a sexual involvement with anyone, including a girlfriend with whom I lived and shared a bed (though cuddling with her was nice).

V-Card Diaries: Alyssa "I think I might be asexual, because I never have any urges for sexual pleasure."

Today we're highlighting Alyssa in New York who feels pressure, especially in college, to lose her virginity. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

19, Female, New York, College Student, Virgin, Asexual.

How I define virginity:

The physical act of intercourse. Doesn't necessarily require love or lust.

Here's my story:

I've been on dates and have had a few flings and hookups in my lifetime but I have never had the opportunity to lose my vaginal virginity. I think I might be asexual, because I never have any urges for sexual pleasure. I'm worried this is something I am going to grow out of later in my life and that I will want to start having sex with guys. I want to lose my virginity before that because of the social pressures of the modern world surrounding virginity; that there must be something "wrong" with us if we're still virgins when the majority of our peers are not.

Being in college, that is the case right now. Everything is about sex and I'm behind the game. The problem is, I want my first time having sex to be meaningful and with someone I have sexual feeling for. The thing is that this can't happen if I'm not receiving any sexual feelings. I don't feel like I can wait to start getting these feelings, because that may be a number of years from now.

V-Card Diaries: t'ix^wlm "As an asexual and aromantic, I look at the concept of sex and ultimately my response is 'Eww.' I want nothing to do with it.

Today we're highlighting t'ix^wlm in Washington state, who has never wanted to have sex in any form. If you want to tell your story, especially if yougo to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 27 (going on 28) year old third-gender multi-racial asexual and aromantic college student at EWU (in Washington), and I'm about to finish my BA and hope to go on to my MA in Gender Studies come fall.

I'm so much of a human mutt that I don't know what all I am, but I do know that I'm: Oglala Lakota, Cherokee, Egyptian, Irish, Scottish, Norse, German, and who knows what else. My preferred pronouns are jhe/jhur/jhur(s). (Along the same lines as she/her/her(s) or he/him/his.) I'm also a virgin and intend said status to be life-long. I'd rather be dead than lose it.

How I define virginity:

I define virginity as having never had sex; however there are multiple 'virginities' such as PIV, anal, oral, handjobs, etc. As such there is no 'one virginity that overrules all others'.

Here's my story:

I'm a virgin. I've never had sex in any form, I've never wanted to have sex in any form. As an asexual and aromantic I kind of look at the concept of sex and (however childish it may sound to others) ultimately my response is 'Eww'. It's one thing for me to occasionally read (fairly non-descriptive) fanfiction online, but the idea of seeing it in art or with actual people involved really grosses me out.

That isn't to say I'm not sex-positive- personally I think everyone has the right to like and enjoy what they will just so long as it's not harmful to anyone else- but for myself I want nothing to do with it. However, a vast majority of people I've run into that have had NO exposure to anyone falling on the asexuality-spectrum automatically assume that I must have been sexually abused as a child and it must have "scared me off" of ever wanting sex. It's infuriating.

First off, I think I would KNOW if I've ever been sexually assaulted in my life. Secondly, where the heck do other people get off telling me I'm traumatized when I'm not?

I'm not asexual and aromantic because I'm 'traumatized', my lack of interest in sex isn't a sign that something is 'wrong with me', and my complete and utter distaste for sex is not a sign that I'm 'childish' and 'need to grow up'. I don't like the concept of sex, it doesn't interest me. Assuming there's something wrong with me because of that is like assuming there's something wrong with someone who refuses to go somewhere because they don't like the social climate there.

Ultimately I feel like the mainstream culture in the US is waaaaayyy too hung up on sex, who is or isn't having sex, who has or hasn't lost their virginity, and that people are bombarded with this obsession over sex EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I applaud the movie How to Lose Your Virginity for pointing out how ridiculous it is for people to get so hung up on something so trivial, but at the same time I have my doubts that voices like mine are heard. Part of it I suspect is the simple fact that those like myself that have no interest in ever losing their virginity honestly don't feel like they have anything to input in conversations about virginity. Honestly that was a thought that crossed my own mind. It's the simple fact that in my searches of this site there is a complete lack of any input from a voice like mine that has compelled me to submit an entry.

That being said, though it may seem that I have no input being that I have no interest in sex, I still know the basics of safe sex- hell, my mother was talking to me about safe sex when she was  pregnant with me . If I ever adopt children I'll at least be able to tell them what they need for that much. Honestly the sort of basic knowledge for safe sex is as necessary, I think, as basic first aid. Okay, yeah, I may never have sex- if I have kids how would it make any sense for me to assume that they wouldn't?

My ultimate point is this: virginity and sex aren't anywhere near as big a deal as people make them out to be, and whether or not it ever happens people should have the knowledge to know how to protect themselves and they should feel free to be comfortable with losing their virginity (or not losing it) on their own time without feeling pressured one way or the other.