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Condoms

Ask Trixie: I'm worried i'm pregnant! How can I stop stressing over this?

Hey Trixie - I had sex on the 3rd of dec for the first time and my last period was on the 11th of nov. It's currently the 6th of dec and i'm worried i'm pregnant although i did use a condom (which didn't break) and took the morning after pill. What are my chances and how can i stop stressing over this? –June

Hi June -

Thank you for writing and I'm sorry you are so stressed! You don't mention what kind of sex you had, so I'm going to assume it was intercourse with a person with a penis. If not, let me know!

If that's the case, I can tell you I've been there. If you're not a strict 28-day person, it might be late for many reasons, and stress has a way of making them even more wonky. Since your partner's condom was intact AND you took a morning after pill, it's unlikely that you're pregnant.

BUT! The best way to stop stressing is to take a pregnancy test, which you can buy at any drugstore. You get two tests in one box so you can double-check the results, whatever they are. Just follow the instructions exactly. If you are pregnant (again, unlikely) you may have more questions so I invite you to write again.

Good luck!
Trixie

Got a question about virginity, sex, relationships, feminism or filmmaking?  Ask Trixie here.

14-year-old girl gets suspended for giving the greatest answers ever in sex ed class

So, this happened two years ago, but it's so fabulous (and sadly still so relevant) we wanted to share it. Here are the answers a 14-year-old girl gave on a condoms 'quiz.' Apparently, there was a list of responses provided that students had to match with objections. Clearly, that wasn't working for her and she wrote her own responses. The fact that she was suspended for it says everything you need to know about the sorry state of sex ed in the USA. OK, maybe the F-Bombs aren't cool for middle school, but she should have gotten an A for being so f-ing smart.

V-Card Diaries: Mitch "I was sure I was the oldest male virgin outside of the Vatican."

Today we're highlighting Mitch in the US. He lost his virginity with a woman he met at a single event and  is glad it happened with a woman he cared about. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 40s male in America.

How I define virginity:

Never having had sexual intercourse (vaginal for heterosexuals and anal for homosexuals).

Here's my story:

On my 21st birthday, I was downright depressed. I was sure I was the oldest male virgin outside of the Vatican. It's not like today when you can get on the internet, google "adult male virgins" and wool ah you have all these forums and blogs where you can see for yourself that you are not alone or the oldest.

I really thought I was alone. Nor did it seem like there was any hope. I thought my chances of losing my virginity that year were about as high as winning the freaking lottery. I was beside myself. What was wrong with me? I might have been on the short side, but I wasn't bad looking. I was athletic, smart, clean shaven, dressed pretty decently, and even opened up more socially (by pledging a fraternity). Yet, I was going nowhere with women and the prospect of losing my virginity seemed like a modern miracle to me.

Then....Lo' and behold....the summer between my junior and senior year of college, when I was in my hometown for the summer, *it* happened.

Well, it didn't "just happen." I was proactive, got off my lonely, lazy arse and went to a singles event for 21+. Honestly, I did not go to these singles events with the purpose of "getting laid" or even finding a girl friend for that matter. I just wanted to try something different and meet other people. So, one Saturday night, I went. The first singles event I went to, I didn't get a date out of it, let alone a girlfriend, but I did have a ball. We started out hanging out at somebody's apartment and eventually ended up at an adult disco-tech. One of the women from the event actually asked me if I wanted to dance. She was 28 (a bit older) and she smoked, which kind of turned me off, but I did enjoy dancing with her. It felt great to get out there and I felt like I was shedding a good chunk of my shell off. I came home that night pretty satisfied.

The next Saturday night, I went again. This time we started out in a restaurant. We were all sitting around the table. This woman and I started talking. For the purpose of staying anonymous, I will call her Rachel. I can't remember if she started talking to me first or the other way around, but we seemed to hit it off, although I didn't think anything of it at the time. From the restaurant, we progressed to the same disco-tech as the week before. We didn't stay as late as the week before and ended up at somebody's apartment. Rachel and I traded numbers and then I went back home. Still no date or girlfriend, but I felt satisfied that I was at least doing something different from my routine, putting myself out there, and meeting new people.

Then, then next day Rachel called me. She actually called me and asked me out on a date. And so we went out. On our first date, we went out to eat and then to a movie. During the movie, Rachel started grabbing my hand. At the end of the movie, she kissed me on the lips!!!! I was thinking, "Is this happening to me?!?!". I thought I was going to faint, but I managed to hold my own and kiss her back. We drove back to her place, I walked her to her door, and kissed her goodnight. I couldn't believe it. This was for real!!!!

To make a long story short, we dated for about five weeks before making plans for the "big day.". We booked a room at a hotel near an amusement park. I couldn't believe it. *It* was going to happen. I knew it was for real when I told my parents about this planned "get away" with my girlfriend and told my work that I needed a couple of days off. I don't remember too much of the drive to the hotel (it was about four hours), but by the time we got to the hotel it was close to midnight. Both of us were wiped. The next morning we woke up and started kissing. Without getting into too much more details, before we knew it we were both naked and that's when I reached for the condom. Rachel helped me put it on and then I got on top of her. She also needed to help guide me in, if you know what I mean.

Rachel knew I was a virgin. I had told her a couple of weeks before. So, I didn't catch her off guard. I was her fifth or sixth sex partner, so she had experience. I had trouble coming. For some reason, try as I did, I could not reach climax (it took me a few times until I was able to). Rachel sure did though (unless she was faking it). At any rate, it happened!!!! I lost my V-card. I was 21 years, 6 months, and 26 days old. Rachel has just celebrated her 23rd birthday 17 days before, so this was like a birthday gift for her (the trip and my giving her my virginity).

The best part is that my first time was not with a prostitute. It wasn't even a one night stand. It was with a woman I cared about and who cared about me and even went out with for a year and a half. True, we broke up after a year and a half, but at least we had a long term relationship. Rachel moved on and I moved on, but I will never forget her.

V-Card Diaries: Caroline "As we were lying on his couch together after, we high-fived."

Today we're highlighting Caroline in North Jersey. After some pizza interference she lost her virginity to her boyfriend in his basement. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm 18 and from North Jersey.

How I define virginity:

I've always thought of virginity as the first time you have intercourse.

Here's my story:

When I was 16 my boyfriend and I decided we wanted to have sex by me jokingly asking him to get a condom and then both of us realizing we were ready to do it. We were on the couch in his basement and we were just about ready to lose it (he was putting the condom on, safety first!) when his sister called from upstairs to see if we were there.

He freaked out and we both went upstairs. His sister and her boyfriend asked if we want food. Her boyfriend said "He'll need it when they're done" with a wink and we all laughed. We all ordered pizza and he and I returned to the basement to try again. We got to the exact same spot (putting the condom on) when the pizza guy rang the doorbell. Seriously dude?!

We ate pizza with his sister and her boyfriend and my boyfriend and I could not keep straight faces. After eating we went back downstairs and actually did it. As we were lying on his couch together after, we high-fived.

Some highlights from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior

Researchers at Indiana University have just released the very large and very comprehensive National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB). With responses from 5,865 people ages 14 to 94, the survey asked about frequency of sex, types of partners, paying for sex and even how much pleasure or pain they got from sexual activity. The always-interesting Cory Silverberg at About:Sexuality spent the weekend with the report (bless his heart) is doing several posts on this gigantic study, the first of which includes some of the highlights (and the entire thread is here.) His posts explore both the good and questionable data, and he makes the point that some of this information has been known to health educators for a while now, but not to the general public.

Unfortunately, he hasn't done anything on age of first sexual experience or the number of non-sexually-active respondents, but that may come in later posts or papers. You can click here for a chart on different sexual activities by age. If you want to do your own research, you can download the first nine papers here.

Here are some of Cory's and our highlights:

Not all teenagers are the same. By collecting data from adolescents age 14 and up, the survey foregrounds the transition moment between the ages of 16-17 and 18-19, where teenagers show a huge leap in both kind and frequency of sexual activities. To offer one example, twice as many women between 18-19 report having had oral sex, vaginal intercourse, and anal sex as women who are 16-17. The data also let us see that condom rates also drop during this transition, in some groups by as much as 50% between the ages of 14-17 and 18-24.

53% of participants were with a romantic partner, 24% had a casual sex partner, and 9% had sex with a "new acquaintance"

Across age groups 6% of men and 30% of women reported some pain at their last sexual encounter. These percentages are striking both in terms of the sheer number of people they represent who are experiencing pain during sex, and the significant (but not surprising) gender discrepancy.

Overall 91% of men and 64% of women report having an orgasm at last sexual encounter. At the same time, 85% of men and 92% of women believed their partner had an orgasm the last time they had sex. These data can't be directly compared given the small group of people who have same sex partners, but the discrepancy, particular among men, is notable. Clearly more men think their partners are having orgasms than they are.

Read more at About:Sexuality.