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V-Card Diaries: Cheeky Charmer "I thought I had tempted my rapist by showing skin. I was eleven years old."

Today we're highlighting Cheeky Charmer in Pennsylvania. She blamed herself for a rape that happened at a young age based on teachings from a week-long Christian purity seminar. She now knows that her choice to have sex or not does not define her worth. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 22-year-old female from Pennsylvania.

How I define virginity:

 It's a life long journey of finding identity through new experiences.

Here's my story:

I was raped. I don't say that to be pitied; save your flowers and sympathy for someone who needs them.  I say it so that you understand my story. When I was eleven I was innocently lying in bed and someone I trusted and loved dearly took away the part of me that I valued.

The week after it happened I attended a retreat called Pure Freedom; a seminar to help Christian girls seek out God through pledging abstinence. We were given assessments, books, and tests to measure how “modest” we were. The whole weekend was devoted to the new transformative meaning of that word “modesty.” We were informed how our clothing would appear to men. They told us that men cannot help themselves because they have the fight or flight system in their bodies that causes arousal by a woman who bears skin or wears tight clothing. The whole day was spent learning techniques on how to wear modest, God-approved clothing. We took tests on what we watch, what we say to men, and how we dress, and we were given clothing tricks to assist men in their journey to Godliness. We were responsible for men’s relationship with God based on how we carried ourselves.

The speaker stood in front of an audience of five hundred girls and told us that modesty wasn’t just about what you wear but how you carry yourself, how you talk to other men, and what you do with other men. We were told that God wanted us to wait until we were married based on what the Bible said. We were told not to be the “hoe of the universe” by engaging in sex before marriage.

The whole week I couldn’t help but think that I was what caused my rapist to attack me. This Pure Freedom was actually what felt like a prison; guilt swelled like a balloon about to burst. I realized that I had tempted my rapist. I was wearing only a bra and underwear that night and it was my fault. I remember thinking that God was punishing me for showing skin that night.  It was only natural for a man to see my skin and be aroused. The rape was entirely my fault, and God was punishing me for what I had done. I was eleven years old and I was carrying this burden for a decade.

After ten years of believing this myth, I made the conscious effort to take ownership of my sexuality; it never belonged to this organization that brainwashed me into thinking that my value was in my virginity, my clothing, and my future husband. My value does not have a scale that is virgin or slut. God loves me whether I have sex or not. I am not an object: I am a woman with the right to choose when, where, and who I have sex with. My sexuality cannot be bought by people who make young girls feel inadequate to sell a book and a T-shirt. I was raped and that doesn’t define who will love me. My virginity is mine and I define what it means; it does not define my value.

V-Card Diaries: HFB "I believe that if I wait to have sex when I'm married then God will bless my marriage."

Today we're highlighting HFB in Georgia, who is in a growing relationship–with Christ. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.. About me:

I am an 18-year-old black girl from Southwest Georgia.

How I define virginity:

A virgin (to me) is a person that hasn't had sex with another being. A female virgin is a girl that hasn't been penetrated. A male virgin is a guy that hasn't put his penis into another life form.

My story:

I have a growing relationship with Christ, and I am a virgin. I believe that if I wait to have sex when I'm married then God will bless my marriage. My dream marriage is to be with someone who God has chosen for me. I just want us to be stable and happy-in our marriage, financially, and mentally.

I keep these values and this dream through temptation from guys, hormones, and through this generation's slowing disrespect of the seriousness of creating another life-form. I believe that Satan uses temptation to steer me away from the great things that he see that God has planned for me.

Although my definition of a virgin seems direct, I still have questions. Is oral sex really sex? Is masturbating sex if you don't penetrate yourself? As I said before, I'm in a GROWING relationship with Christ, and I plan on finding these things out from Him in due time.

Editor's note: Is masturbation sex? How do you define sex? Let us know in the comments!