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V-Card Diaries: Taj "India is so conservative they would kill u if they come to know u had sex before marriage"

Writing from: India

Age: Early 20s

How I define virginity: losing yourself to some both emotionally and physically

i am a girl from india where virginity is a big deal. the place is so conservative that they would even kill u if they come to know u had sex before marriage

i had no idea of sex during my school days only just girls talk. guys try to approach girls with the idea of sex sooner or later. so i decided to choose when i should lose it. entering into college i met a guy whom i fell for. both were in a relationship sooner. he was also a virgin.  we kissed, touched and we got close day by day..we shared our thoughts.and i decided that losing it with him would be good.it happened when i was 18

that time both were nervous but it  went well . and we used condoms. there was nothing much the first time except little pain. now after 2 years its good and still with the same guy!! he is such a nice guy to b with..

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V-Card Diaries: Aura "I asked my Indian mother her opinion on pre-marital sex, and she told me she thought it should be made compulsory"

Today we're highlighting Aura from India, currently living in the north of England, whose mother explained the importance of pre-marital sex with the help of a shoe analogy. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.

A little about myself:

I am a 20-year-old Indian girl, currently attending University in north of England.

How I define virginity:

For me, a person loses his/her virginity when he/she has sex for the first time. What one considers as one's first, proper first time depends on him/her, and only he/she has the right to decide what it means to him/her and when he/she will lose it. I consider the day I had penetrative vaginal sex with a man for the first time as the day I lost mine.

People tend to think of Indians as quite narrow-minded and backward. What they do not understand is that it is a big country and there are many different kinds of people and cultures in it. In some areas, virginity is a huge deal, so much so that people actually use the blood stained sheet used on the wedding night to prove to neighbours the virtues of their wives or daughters. In some areas, nobody really talks about it - because it is very personal, but girls are expected to be virgins until they get married. In most areas, nobody cares, and it is a girl's personal choice - unless of course she is married and cheating on her husband/wife. The region where I am from (Bengal) falls largely into the last category. Nobody talks about your sexuality, since its private, personal and well... just very weird for family members to discuss your sex life over coffee

But my mom is my best friend, and I talk to her about everything. In my teens, I asked her for her opinion on pre-marital sex, and I was quite shocked when she told me she thought it should be made compulsory before a wedding, to make sure two people are sexually compatible! Furthermore, she said that men are like clothes. When you walk into a store, you like a few, try some on, and then look at other factors such as prices, colours, and if you are actually going to be wearing them. Similarly, you like men, date some of them, sleep with some, and then decide based on everything which one of them (if any) is right for you. Of course, she said unlike clothes, you only buy (marry) one at a time, and if you have major problems, you return (divorce) him and pick another one. I am so happy my father was perfect for her and she didn't need to 'return' him.

Here's my story:

Such a happy day it was - to finally get rid of the thing that made all men patronise me and see me as some sort of a prize. I hated the fact that my 'first' man would feel a sick chauvinistic kind of triumph, and I didn't want any man to have that pleasure, that satisfaction of knowing that he had somehow 'taken' my virginity, innocence, and what not. So, when I met a man who was extremely good looking and sexy, and also seemed like a nice, sensible person, I went home with him (to London), had sex with him, took the train back home the next morning, and was finally relieved of that sexist burden. The best part is, he doesn't know my full name, or where I live, and I will probably never see him again. Problem solved–lost virginity, but didn't give any subsequent boyfriend the satisfaction of being my first.

Just the Tip: A grumpy line-up of Virginity in the News featuring Steubenville rape, Real Doll virginity auctions, bad sex advice, Chinese Love Hunters, the Bachelor Virgin and more...

With additional reporting by Judy Park OnionAthlete

Here's a gem of commentary on the Steubenville rape verdict: an incredibly prescient 2011 Onion SportsDome video called "Athlete Overcomes Rape." [Click on that link because it's not emedable.] That's the one he committed, not one he survived. This satire at its finest from America's Finest News Source is not to be confused with actual mainstream news coverage. Let us also recommend this great piece from Henry Rollins. Why lead with this? Because purity culture=rape culture, a climate in which women are judged and controlled based on their sexual lives. Where rapists rate more concern than rape victims, where bystanders don't recognize a rape when they see one, and where women are clearly asking for it by simply being drunk and female.

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Guys are bidding over a hundred thousand dollars (and counting) on the virginity of Valentina. Who happens to be a Real Doll. You could be the lucky dude to fork over years of salary to be able to say you were the first to put your penis into the "state-of-the-art skin" of her lifelike vagina. The deal includes a sumptuous hotel stay, dinner and bubble with your waterproof silicone queen.

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An upcoming episode of "New Girl" will be "a flashback episode that details how the main characters lose their virginity. While offering few specifics, creator and executive producer Liz Meriwether, who wrote the episode, said cryptically that Max Greenfield’s Schmidt, playing the scene as his overweight younger self, would be seen “in that dorm room moving through space a little bit. He gets very overzealous with some lube.” No word on whether  the stories will hew to heteronormative, gendernormative deptictions of first-time sex, because a girl can always dream, can't she?

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20130302_152212The latest Bachelor contestant Sean Lowe is a virgin. No, wait, he's a 'born-again' virgin. Wait, that's just religious-speak for 'celibate.' So that means he used to have sex but at the moment he's not. And the ladies didn't know! Oh, wait. Maybe they did. Actually, they're having bible study every morning! And now he and his suddenly celibate future bride are going to wait together. Whew. Glad that's all cleared up.

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A few ideas on how to liberate Indian women, according to this satirical piece from India: chastity belts, virginity soap, and fairness baby oil. Then you can save the men who can't save themselves, unless you're offering your enthusiastic consent, in which case don't forget tightening virginity soap and some fairness baby oil to lighten up your skin.

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The New York Times reports on "Love Hunters" in China, a new breed of matchmaker for the mostly-male ultra-rich: "In Joy City, Ms. Yang gave instructions to her eight-scout team, one of six squads the company was deploying in three cities for one Shanghai millionaire. This client had provided a list of requirements for his future wife, including her age (22 to 26), skin color (“white as porcelain”) and sexual history (yes, a virgin)."

As for wealthy women looking for love: "She had just spent an hour with a rich Chinese businesswoman in her late 30s. The woman proposed spending $100,000 on a campaign to find a husband who matched her status. “I had to tell her we couldn’t take her case,” Ms. Yang said. “No wealthy Chinese man would ever marry her. They always want somebody younger, with less power.” "

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A 30-something calling herself "Pre-Cat Lady" writes Em & Lo desperately seeking advice on how to talk about/cast off her virginity with potential partners. Em & Lo remind PCL, "It's not the virginity that's holding you back-you're holding you back." And here's some questionable Q&A advice from 'a doctor' on virginity loss, anal sex and STDs.

Thanks to virginspotters @j_a_allan, @funkybrownchick and @paulfreeland. Want to be a virginspotter, too? Send your links here.