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Michigan

V-Card Diaries: Sara "I was 16 and I wanted to lose my virginity to any guy who had long hair and was decently cute."

Today we're highlighting Sara in Michigan. She feels confident in her sexuality and refuses to let society discourage her.  If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.

A little about myself:

I am a 19-year-old female from Michigan

How I define virginity:

I define virginity as never having had a penis inside of you.

Here's my story:

I was 16 and I wanted to lose my virginity to any guy who had long hair and was decently cute. I guess I lived up to my 16-year-old standards. We lost our virginity together on our 2-month anniversary. We lost it at his sister's 13th birthday party. Out in the woods. It was awkward but it felt good in the end so who cares. I have no shame cause it was what I wanted at the time and I live life with no regrets. I've had 2 other sexual partners since, but having sex is what makes me happy so I don't let people make me feel bad about my choices. Simple as that.

V-Card Diaries: Mari "Intercourse triggered what I would later come to understand as a serious gender dysphoria episode."

Today we're highlighting Mari in Michigan, a queer trans woman who thinks virginity is an 'absolute bullshit notion' steeped in misogyny. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 31, and a queer trans woman from Michigan.

How I define virginity:

I think virginity is an absolute bullshit notion steeped in misogynist notions of female purity and the Christian Right's fear and hatred of the notion of women enjoying sex and having control of their sexuality.

Here's my story:

The first time I had penetrative intercourse was at 17. I wasn't terribly interested in the idea, but I adored my girlfriend of the time, and she was really pressing for it. Eventually, a few weeks before the start of senior year, I gave in- afraid she'd break up with me if I didn't. Like so many teenage sexual experiences, it was clandestine: at her house, in a hurried hour while her parents and sisters were out.

It was over almost before I realized what was happening, and it triggered what I would later come to understand as a serious gender dysphoria episode. I went home and threw-up, then spent hours crying while my best friend held me. It took me years to understand why it felt so wrong.

V-Card Diaries: AM "I've begun to think nothing of sex, it's about pleasure, not intimacy. Sleeping with someone I actually care about is terrifying"

Today we're highlighting AM from Ann Arbor, MI, whose first time was about lust and quite nice. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.

About me: I'm a 20-year-old female (will be 21 in about two weeks). I'm currently living in Ann Arbor, MI but am originally from Colorado and have lived in a lot of different countries over the years.

How I define virginity:

Sex including penetration.

My story:

Well, I lost my v-card to someone I ended up caring about, but at the time it was definitely about lust/desire. We were 17, on the brink of 18, and on a week long river trip without our parents, sleeping by the river under the stars and that's where it happened. We had talked about it before and it was really quite nice, looking back on it.

Since then, I have had a few one night stands, all of which I have regretted within a week of when they occurred. I have also been raped by a friend. It wasn't violent and it took me several months to realize that it was rape, unwanted sexual contact. Which made me quite confused about this whole sex thing. I've dealt with it on some level, but I've always wanted to go to a rape survivor group because I feel it would be empowering. I so often feel like a victim and that other people see me like that when I mention it. It would be nice to reminded that I am survivor.

The boyfriend I lost my v-card to was really the last person that I slept with and shared some kind of emotional intimacy. That is because of a number or reasons, primarily because my life has moved around so much that it's been difficult to be in a relationship. But it's also because I've begun to think nothing of sex, it's about pleasure, not about intimacy. And I feel like a whore for thinking like that, for thinking like a man. I get angry about that sometimes, the judgement that comes with my attitude towards sex, but I also enjoy having complete control of my sex life/partners/decisions. Owning my sexuality is satisfying. But it's also demeaning, belittling to some point. Because of the fear of judgement from others.

On the other hand, the idea of sleeping with someone I actually care about is terrifying. That kind of emotional intimacy feels as if someone would be invading my personal space, knowing me too deeply, seeing parts of myself that I don't necessarily want them to know, to memorize and be familiar with (both physically and mentally). I've been single for a while, and I always say that it's because of how much I move around (I have not stayed in a place for longer than 6 months in 5 years) but the reality is that I'm not ready/open to that kind of intimacy. It scares me silly. But casual sex, ain't no thang. Odd, huh?