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V-Card Diaries: Ana "After having lesbian sex, the idea of having penetrative sex with a penis no longer felt like 'real sex' "

A little about myself: 

20, New York, woman, college student/sapling filmmaker

How I define virginity: 

The first time doing a thing that feels like A Big Thing

Here's my story: 

It took me until I was almost 19 to figure out that I liked girls. Having liked boys all along, there never seemed any reason to question it. I never thought I'd lose my girl-virginity before my boy-virginity, but sure enough, about a year ago I had sex with a woman for the first time. I had been preserving my "traditional" virginity, the p-in-v kind, for...something; not marriage, maybe love, maybe just a mutually caring exclusive relationship? I didn't know then and I don't really know now either.

But one night things started moving with a girl I had only been casually acquainted with up until that point, and the idea of "waiting" was miles away--it was just one of those nights that's going somewhere interesting and you have every intention of just following it. This particular incidence of lesbian sex meant oral and manual stuff, which is nothing I hadn't done with boys before, so it didn't really feel like anything new on a technical level. I was sort of...eased in, I suppose? But let me tell you, it was fun. It was cool. And for the sake of intimacy, I'll keep the details to myself.

So after having lesbian sex, the idea of having penetrative sex with a penis no longer felt like "real sex." Sex with that girl was no less real. I had had sex. All those hesitations and ideas about "waiting," instilled, no doubt, by my vaguely Catholic upbringing, felt more unfounded than ever. So, probably about a week later, I had penetrative sex with the boy I had been involved with. And it was--well, considerably more painful than sex with the girl, that's for sure. But it was fine. it was fun. And I have no regrets about either.

If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here

 

V-Card Diaries: Sully "I'm a guy, so why is it so difficult for me to remove this social stigma?"

Today we're highlighting Sully in Potsdam, NY. First he chose to wait to have sex until he is able to take care for a girl if she gets pregnant, but now he feels like virginity is an awkward cloud looming over him. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.

A little about myself:

I'm 27, male , I live in Potsdam NY... I work in a restaurant as a cook, went to college, but dropped out for financial and family reasons.

How I define virginity:

Orgasm via vaginal or anal penetration

Here's my story:

I'm a guy, I shouldn't care what I look like or if the girl really cares for me, so why is it so difficult for me to remove this social stigma...I started with noble intentions, I wanted a career first, so if I got said girl pregnant I could at least be responsible and take care of her and "seed", but then it just became this awkward cloud that loomed over me, people treat me like I'm some kind of freak, which in turn makes it only more difficult to talk or do anything about it.

V-Card Diaries: Alessia "He reminded me of Christian Grey, but the way he kissed alone made my knees weak."

Today we're highlighting Alessia in Long Island, NY whose first-time experience, after a month of texting, was "romantic, sexy, gentle, passionate, and rough all at the same time." If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here.A little about myself:

I am a 21-year-old woman living in Long Island, New York and going to grad school in Manhattan.

How I define virginity:

I don't really define it. I think it's completely up to an individual to decide what their virginity is/isn't.

Here's my story:

Over this past summer, when I was 20, I had gone up to my friend's college house to celebrate her roommate's 21st birthday. After spending the day drinking and partying at their house, we hit the most popular, hipster dive bars there and that's where I saw him. He was almost the exact physical definition of my dream guy: a beard, brown hair, green eyes, just so fucking sexy. We couldn't keep our eyes off of each other while he was playing pool and finally he approached me and we got to talking.

All of my friends wanted to head back to the house at that point but he asked if I would wait with him until he finished his game of pool and then we'd go back together. Normally, I'd be a little apprehensive about this but since some of the girls we were with knew him, I said ok. On the way back we did some making out, hung out at the house a little, and then I walked him back to his car and we made out some more and made plans to see each other the following weekend despite the 3 hour difference between us.

That didn't work out, unfortunately, and I left for Italy for 2 weeks the following week. He texted me once while I was there, but since my texting was limited we weren't able to talk a lot.

Eventually, things between us died down and we didn't speak for over a month. I met a different guy and we dated for a little bit but on my 21st birthday he dumped me. Feeling down, I texted the guy from the bar and we started talking again.

We began talking everyday for over a month and a lot of it involved intense sexting and describing in detail what we'd do to each other in person. Well, today, we finally got the chance to see each other in person cause he made the trek down to where I live cause we couldn't take the waiting and frustration any longer.

So, first we got lunch but the sexual tension was so strong that we rushed back to my place and went straight for my room. He reminded me of Christian Grey, by the things he said and the way he looks, but the way he kissed alone made my knees weak. We both stripped down and did some foreplay, (he had the biggest dick I had ever seen in my entire life so I was terrified of how painful it was going to be). When it was finally time to have sex, I told him the truth that that's the only thing I had never done before.

He was super nice, gentle, and understanding about the whole thing. Even though it was painful, it did eventually feel good enough that I had multiple orgasms. Even when I started to bleed a little and got so embarrassed I almost left the room to go wash myself, he kissed me and told me it was perfectly natural and not even slightly embarrassing and continued on.

It was just so romantic, sexy, gentle, passionate, and rough all at the same time and I seriously hope I can have sex with him again.

V-Card Diaries: Stephanie "Abstinence-only sex ed made me feel worthless and used up, but when I initiated sex with my (now) husband, I felt like I had claimed my sexuality."

*Trigger warning for sexual assault* Today we're highlighting Stephanie in upstate New York, who never felt like she'd had a chance to have a virginity. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

26, Female, Married, Upstate NY

How I define virginity:

The church I went to defined it as any sexual contact. I don't like the term. I prefer sexual awakening, more spiritual than physical.

Here's my story:

I was digitally penetrated as a very young child and raped at age 13. I felt like I never had a virginity. The church and abstinence-only sex ed. made me feel worthless and used up. I never had a chance. I grudgingly gave into sex at 16 with a boyfriend, but it wasn't until a few years later when I initiated sex with my best friend (now husband) that I felt like I had claimed my sexuality.

V-Card Diaries: Rosie 'My boyfriend didn't have a problem when I said "no" in the middle of sex"

Today we're highlighting Rosie in New York. Since her first experience was so painful and there was hardly penetration, she assumed she and her boyfriend were still virgins. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I am an 18-year-old female from New York.

How I define virginity:

I define virginity as any limit that will make you feel emotionally and sexually fulfilled.

Here's my story:

As a teen in high school I was not popular, especially with boys. I craved for my first boyfriend and our first mind-blowing kiss. But all that I got was teasing and ridicule. Hell, my first kiss with my first "boyfriend" was at 17 and it was barely a peck on the lips. It was lacking luster, to say the least. 

Enter college. Two weeks into classes I met my first real and current boyfriend. We hit it off the moment we exchanged names and we jumped right into dating. With this all being brand spanking new to me, I questioned my sexuality a lot and whether or not I was going too fast with this boy I just met. Then I asked myself the real question: who decided for me what was going too fast? There was no written rule saying what you could and couldn't do with your first boyfriend. There was no timeline of how fast or slow to take things. There was me and him and no one else. And we were both horny as fuck. So a month after we met for the first time, we did the deed. And I hated it. I have never been in so much pain. It was so painful that in the middle of the act I pushed him out because the penetration hurt me so much (and he stayed out without a single complaint about how crazy I was for saying "no" in the middle of sex). The part that hurt and confused me the most was the day after when we were walking and he said in passing, "We're not virgins anymore."

"But wait," I said. "You didn't enter me all the way. And we didn't even finish. We're still virgins." This sparked the question, what makes someone lose their virginity officially? I didn't feel any different so I figured we did something wrong and next time would be better. Next time wasn't better. It took so long for it to not hurt. But when it stopped it felt so good. I fell even more in love with my first of practically everything and we're still experimenting and talking and loving each other. I could never ask for a better partner or first boyfriend.

V-Card Diaries: TeddyBear "I'm rather asexual, though cuddling is nice."

Today we're highlighting TeddyBear in New York City, who has never wanted to be sexually involved with anyone. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

Age 55, male, live in New York City.

How I define virginity:

Never having had sex with someone else.

Here's my story:

I'm a 55-year-old male virgin. I'm rather asexual. While I do fantasize and masturbate, I've never wanted a sexual involvement with anyone, including a girlfriend with whom I lived and shared a bed (though cuddling with her was nice).

V-Card Diaries: Brackish "The first time I had a penis in my vagina was rape."

Today we're highlighting Brackish in the Bronx in New York City, who had a lot of PIV sex to prove it meant nothing. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm 20 years old, I live in the Bronx, and I identify as queer.

How I define virginity:

I define virginity as having not yet shared what you consider to be intimate sexual acts with another person.

Here's my story:

The first time I had a penis in my vagina was rape. He just kept fucking me till I said yes. I had lots more penis in vagina sex to try and prove to myself that it didn't mean anything. It took a long time but I've finally found a way for sex to be enjoyable for me and my partners.

V-Card Diaries: Peace "It took me a year to agree to kiss a guy."

Today we're highlighting Peace in NYC, whose mother only hinted to her about sex, and only when she was tipsy. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

18, female, NYC

How I define virginity:

Virginity... is the opposite of sex. I would list it as oral, anal, vaginal, and even masturbation as sex. Pure.

Here's my story:

I have very old fashioned parents. My mother has only hinted to me about sex, when she was tipsy on two occasions. They are big believers in the double standard, letting my brothers do what they please and keeping a close eye on me. She mentioned she was a virgin on her wedding night, which I figured.

Honestly, my parents never really influenced me, I would say. I was just a normal high school girl waiting to be kissed and eventually have sex... I am not really the relationship type. I would say I am more of a tease, as bad as that sounds. But this man I knew for a long time was my first kiss. I was 16 at the time, and he was 21. Basically I don't like to let people "in" but he kept persisting on me for a year or so. I told him I never kissed a guy. He was VERY experienced, I've known him for a long time. Anyways, I think his jaw hit the floor when I told him that, but then I saw his eyes light up and then I knew he connected the dots, that I was, and still am, a virgin.

Blah blah blah, he ends up kissing me. It was amazing I would say. But I knew I should only stay on a "friends" basis with him. I push away. It's been over two years now, he lives in another city, I see him a few times a year and we both feel a strong connection when we are together. He also expressed to me that he wanted me to be his in every way. Honestly after hearing that I thought he was a little sick in his head. Then it hit me, my virginity does mean something. Not just to me, but to others.

But in the end I don't sit there and dwell about my virginity. I think I'll know when its right and I choose when I want it. I feel like I'm the type: Before something is about to happen, I envision the repercussions. I am not ready to let go and be in the moment. It took me a year to agree to kiss a guy. It's scary to say but I wonder if that is how my mother felt. In the end I am at peace with logic and being thus far.

V-Card Diaries: Alyssa "I think I might be asexual, because I never have any urges for sexual pleasure."

Today we're highlighting Alyssa in New York who feels pressure, especially in college, to lose her virginity. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

19, Female, New York, College Student, Virgin, Asexual.

How I define virginity:

The physical act of intercourse. Doesn't necessarily require love or lust.

Here's my story:

I've been on dates and have had a few flings and hookups in my lifetime but I have never had the opportunity to lose my vaginal virginity. I think I might be asexual, because I never have any urges for sexual pleasure. I'm worried this is something I am going to grow out of later in my life and that I will want to start having sex with guys. I want to lose my virginity before that because of the social pressures of the modern world surrounding virginity; that there must be something "wrong" with us if we're still virgins when the majority of our peers are not.

Being in college, that is the case right now. Everything is about sex and I'm behind the game. The problem is, I want my first time having sex to be meaningful and with someone I have sexual feeling for. The thing is that this can't happen if I'm not receiving any sexual feelings. I don't feel like I can wait to start getting these feelings, because that may be a number of years from now.

Our new film poster, just in time for our Nov. 17th DOC NYC premiere!

VirginityPoster.Small We're really excited to unveil the poster for the film! Just in time for our US premiere at DOC NYC on November 17th in Manhattan. It's especially exciting because not only is DOC NYC the largest documentary festival in the US, it's also our home town! If you're in the New York area, we'd love to see you there and say hi.

Our producer Lisa Esselstein and I will be there for a Q&A after the film, with others from the cast. The screening starts at 9:30 pm but don't let that phase you: The film is a short–and very entertaining–67 minutes, so you'll be home at a decent hour on a school night.

Get more info at the DOC NYC site and let us know how you like the poster in the comments below!