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Pregnancy

Ask Trixie: I'm worried i'm pregnant! How can I stop stressing over this?

Hey Trixie - I had sex on the 3rd of dec for the first time and my last period was on the 11th of nov. It's currently the 6th of dec and i'm worried i'm pregnant although i did use a condom (which didn't break) and took the morning after pill. What are my chances and how can i stop stressing over this? –June

Hi June -

Thank you for writing and I'm sorry you are so stressed! You don't mention what kind of sex you had, so I'm going to assume it was intercourse with a person with a penis. If not, let me know!

If that's the case, I can tell you I've been there. If you're not a strict 28-day person, it might be late for many reasons, and stress has a way of making them even more wonky. Since your partner's condom was intact AND you took a morning after pill, it's unlikely that you're pregnant.

BUT! The best way to stop stressing is to take a pregnancy test, which you can buy at any drugstore. You get two tests in one box so you can double-check the results, whatever they are. Just follow the instructions exactly. If you are pregnant (again, unlikely) you may have more questions so I invite you to write again.

Good luck!
Trixie

Got a question about virginity, sex, relationships, feminism or filmmaking?  Ask Trixie here.

Ask Trixie: "I'm scared to lose my virginity because I'm scared I will get pregnant."

I'm scared to lose my virginity because I'm scared I will get pregnant the first time I ever do it because that's the kind of luck I have – Anonymous

Dear Anonymous – I’m really glad you asked this question. Sex can be amazing, but being ready for any kind of sex is more than just making physical and emotional connections. It also means you and your partner are taking responsibility for using the right contraception and STI prevention–which I know can sometimes be confusing and awkward.

I have TOTALLY been there myself, and I’m really ashamed to say that the first time I had intercourse I used no birth control at all. So stupid and scary, and I was very lucky to not get pregnant or get an STI*. I did NOT make that mistake again. I immediately scheduled my first gynecologist appointment and decided to go on the pill (and never got pregnant). That was the right choice for me at the time, but everyone's situation is different.

One little thought: Having any kind of sex for the first time can sometimes be scary, or make us nervous. Think about whether fear of pregnancy is masking some other deeper concerns about being intimate. I'll leave that there for you to ponder and get on to the birth control info.

First of all, the best way not to get pregnant is not to have intercourse (Jane The Virgin doesn’t count) but if you do want to have intercourse, birth control should never, ever be a matter of luck. It’s about educating yourself on the best BC option for you, and then using it exactly as directed. Despite what abstinence-until-marriage programs teach, contraception is safe and effective when used correctly (and a lot safer than going through a pregnancy). 

A great place to start is with this handy guide from our friends at Scarleteen. It walks you through questions about what’s most useful and healthy for YOU and gives lots of suggestions on what to use. Planned Parenthood also has a great guide as does Bedsider.

Once you have an idea of what works best for you, go see your health care provider. If you’re lucky enough to live near a Planned Parenthood office, they’ll be happy to help you, and it will be less expensive. Stay way clear of Crisis Pregnancy Centers which advertise the same services but then give you misinformation and shame instead of contraception.

One other thing to consider: If you’re having sex within a relationship and your birth control costs a bit of cash, it’s only fair that your partner helps pay for it. Just because you’re the one who can get pregnant, it doesn’t mean it’s not his responsibility as well. 

*Don’t forget Sexually Transmitted Infections, which can be an even bigger risk than pregnancy because you don’t have to have intercourse to get infected. Condoms are the only way to protect yourself against those so have your partner keep using them. Also, because no BC is absolutely 100% effective (although many come very close), condoms can be a great backup.

Got a question about virginity, sex, relationships, feminism or filmmaking?  Ask Trixie here.

V-Card Diaries: Miss Wrong "He continuously texted me saying if I was pregnant, I would be ruining his life."

Today we're highlighting Miss Wrong in Jerome, Idaho, who regrets that she had sex for the first time with a guy who turned out to be a horrible jerk. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

Hello, I'm a female. Currently 16 almost, 17. From Jerome, Idaho.

How I define virginity:

A virgin is a young woman characterized by absence of sexual experience.

Here's my story:

My parents have always told me and my brothers that virginity is like a treasure. Boys will do whatever they can to get to the treasure. My mom always said to take very good care of it. Because once it's gone, it's gone. And there won't be a way to go back. She tells us to wait till marriage because that's how God wants it. I always understood and wanted to save my v-card till marriage.

Until I met a guy named Miguel. He came into my life so suddenly. Within months I was in love with him. We went on dates, and he was so respectful. Let's just say, he was perfect! I wanted him to be my first. I remember saying "He's the one, I know it." Little did I know I was so wrong. He did end up being my first. But he was a complete jerk to me right after that had happened. He texted me the morning after saying he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. My heart was shattered! I cried for days, then months. Nothing could give me back my treasure! I hated myself for being so stupid. How could I have been so dumb, I thought.

A month later I realized I had missed my period. I decided to text him. Another wrong decision on my part. I told him about my missed period, and said I could be pregnant. He started texting me the worst, telling me he didn't love me, and that he didn't want me to be the mother of his kids. It made me feel even more worse. A week later he texted me asking if I had received my period, and nothing. He then decided to buy the morning after pill, or plan B pill. I denied to take it. But he continuously texted me saying if I was pregnant and continued to be I would be ruining his life. After so many texts I was done. I told him to bring it to me. I took it and it was all over.

Until this day I regret not listening to my mom. I wish I would've waited till marriage. I now have a boyfriend and he knows about my past and we do not have sex. I'm waiting till marriage. I think I should've the first time. I just want to let all you other young girls know that it may seem right at the moment, but afterwards it's the worst feeling ever. Don't get pressured by all those girls having sex. Save the v-card till marriage! Be that unicorn in this world! I promise you won't regret it!