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The Netherlands

Just The Tip: Teaching Sex Ed to 4-yr-olds, Duggar grossness, Your Number, V-Myths and more...

Our weekly collection of interesting links from around the internets. Click on the titles to link. (Or, why wait? Get up-to-the minute news on our Facebook page)

Bill Nye explains The Sex

Not super informative, but how can you resist? Bill Nye's at the Museum of Sex in New York to explain the evolutionary purpose of sex. Neil deGrasse Tyson hosts STARTALK (MONDAYS 11/10c on NatGeo).


Jaclyn Friedman on Caitlyn Jenner and the complicated definitions of womanhood:

"Trans people are not magical gender warriors. We may politicize their bodies, but they are not obligated to play along. As with all of us, some may decide to become activists, but most won’t, and either way, none of them will exclusively do the most politically expedient thing every time they’re faced with a choice. Because they’re human. They don’t owe the world a revolution, or even an explanation. And they’re certainly not obligated to live up to the arbitrary standards of one random cis woman."


Inside the Duggars' Dark World

Young women are not only robbed of any sexual agency, this culture also teaches that "Women are objects, controlled and exchanged by men to create and affirm the men’s identities...Women. Are. Not. People." And it has implications for all of us. An essay by one of our fave virginity geeks, Jaime Hough.


I was interviewed for this piece (along with our How To Lose Your Virginity expert Hanne Blank) about busting virginity myths. Loved contributing thoughts along with lots of screen grabs from the film:

"Male virginity wasn't even discussed as a thing until the 20th century," Therese Shechter, creator of the documentary How to Lose Your Virginity, told Mic. "Whether a man was sexual or not had little bearing on his character or value."
"The concept of virginity is all too often tied to how we talk about women's morality and sexual choices," Shechter said. "I think people should define virginity however they want, or dismiss the concept it altogether if it's not useful to them."

Is You Sexual History As Impressive As You Think?

In other words, am I a slut or a loser? So lemme just go get a pencil. But first...What exactly does 'slept with' mean? And if our definitions are different based on which parts touched other parts, then what exactly are we comparing and tallying? And what constitutes a lot? I know, I know...this is just a dumb internet game, but can we all agree 'the number' makes no sense? Instead, why not ponder the first milestone of your sexual history with our own quiz.


In the Netherlands, sex education starts in Kindergarten

We North Americans do such a lousy job of teaching our young about sexuality. The Dutch are miles ahead of us:

“People often think we are starting right away to talk about sexual intercourse [with kindergartners],” van der Vlugt says. “Sexuality is so much more than that. It’s also about self image, developing your own identity, gender roles, and it’s about learning to express yourself, your wishes and your boundaries.”

That means the kindergartners are also learning how to communicate when they don’t want to be touched. The goal is that by age 11, students are comfortable enough to navigate pointed discussions about reproduction, safe sex, and sexual abuse.

 

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V-Card Diaries: Lijola "I lost my virginity with a guy I met over the internet and I know how that sounds."

Today we're highlighting Lijola in The Netherlands who believes you should celebrate your body, but also make sure it's in trusted hands. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 20 years old straight woman. I'm Polish, living and studying in the Netherlands.

How I define virginity:

Well it's not an easy one to answer. Technically it's sexual intercourse but morally? What if you got sexually abused? I believe it's when you first time decide to have sex and by that moment consider yourself no longer being a virgin. When it comes out of your own free will and not forced out on you.

Here's my story:

I have always seen virginity as something very important. Partly it must have been cause of my religious backgrounds which at some point conflicted with my inner feelings about sex. I thought it makes you special since it's so easily given away nowadays. I decided to give it to someone special. But what's most important, someone I will fully trust and feel comfortable with.

I lost my virginity when I was 19. I met this guy over the internet, I know how it sounds. We fell for each other so much he decided to leave everything behind in his country and come to me so we can be together. He wasn't a virgin anymore himself and had been quite sexually active before me so it was hard for him to understand why wouldn't I want to have sex with him.  It took him around half a year to sort everything out and move here so I took my time to figure out what do I want to do about this matter. Although he wasn't very understanding and maybe even slightly pushing, I understood his point of view. And he just felt right in every way so i began to trust him and feel more open to it.

We decided to meet halfway and went on holidays together. It happened the first day we met. He wasn't pushing me to it, he gave me all the space, love and attention that made it a moment I couldn't regret. I couldn't ever agree that being pushed to anything is a good thing and nobody should do that but in my case it helped me open myself to it.

I'd say, make it your own decision no matter what circumstances. If you will feel good with yourself doing it then it's up to you and you only. It's your body and you should celebrate it but also give it it's respect and make sure you give it in trusted hands.

PS. We're living together for a year now. We plan on keeping it so for next many years :)