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Wisconsin

V-Card Diaries: Lucky "We were 14 and 15 and in love. It took us a year to go all the way."

Today we're highlighting Lucky in Wisconsin, who had a dedicated, engaged partner who wanted her to be happy, satisfied and connected in a sexual way. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 30 year old business owner, who happens to be a divorced woman in Wisconsin, with a beautiful 2-year-old daughter.

How I define virginity:

There are many things that constitute virginity - But in my book becoming a sexual being is what is meant by 'virginity' - understanding sex in a sexual context and the loss of childhood and innocence.

Here's my story:

I met a very wonderful boy when I was 13, and he was 14. We were very committed to each other and spent tons of time together. We talked (at length) about EVERYTHING under the sun and spent time together every day. We knew each other very well - to say the least. We understood what sex was, and we moved from making out, to exploration of each other's bodies, to sexual touching, oral, and then moved on to penetrative sex. It took us over a year to go "all the way" - We were 14 and 15, and in love, in my bedroom when my parents were gone the first time we had penetrative sex. But looking back I was SO LUCKY! I had a dedicated engaged partner that wanted me to be happy, satisfied and connected to him in an intimate emotional and sexual way. I can't even imagine any better way to have been introduced to sex!

It was amazing, and connected, and so much better than "waiting" - putting too much pressure on one act. When I finally told my mother there was 'disappointment' and she was basically horrified by my young introduction to sex - (being an underage mother herself) lots of shaming and guilt trips followed. But somehow, they balanced each other out and the enjoyment of sex and the relationship continued all through my time in High School.

As an adult I'm a fully-realized sexual being that is not afraid of their sexuality. I have explored myself and 2 other long-term partners along my journey of life. I understand how to express myself in a sexual way, and I hope for my daughter that she will be able to have as good an experience as I did, when she is in love and ready - just as I did.

V-Card Diaries: Dreamer "I'm in a non-sexual relationship with a polyamorous man, and I wonder if sex will ever be attractive to me again"

Our latest V-Card Diaries comes from Dreamer in Wisconsin who blogs at Love is Not Equal to Love , who took years of emotional abuse before she decided to end her marriage. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. We'd love to run it in this blog. A little about myself:

After thirty-six years of learning to be myself, I'm finally breaking free of the restrictive ideological frameworks that once locked me into fifteen Wisconsin winters of emotional hypothermia with my ex-husband. I'm tired of being seen as a woman, with all the social implications. I'd rather be human ... but there you go.

How I define virginity:

I used to believe virginity was a one-time boundary, instantly compromised by any sexual contact in areas normally covered by "modest" clothing. Should a man break through, he must be married to me, or [insert some dreadful, vague consequence, involving social ostracism].

Now, I think virginity is a term all-too-frequently used to divert attention away from responsible relationship management and a healthy awareness of emotional and physical freedom and self-defined boundaries.

Here's my story:

I lost "my virginity" when I was eighteen, to the first man who ever offered, and I thought it was my fault because I gave in to his refusal to hear the word, "No." It took me 17 years to realize it was rape, even after we were married. Our relationship was emotionally thrilling, that's for sure. It was a choice between being myself and being "loved" as his wife, and it took years of emotional abuse for me to realize I could never be the wife he hoped to create from my raw material.

Now divorced, I'm in a non-sexual relationship with a polyamorous man, and I wonder if sex will ever be attractive to me again, even within the support structure of a monogamous, healthy marriage.

One thing I do know: When my children look at the friends they interact with and the people they love, I want them to examine the quality and durability of the acceptance they offer and receive from each other, above all, and to make educated choices based on mutual respect and authenticity, for the sake of their emotional and physical well-being.

If I can protect them from the blinding mentality of virginity, whether lost or preserved, then I hope they will be free to see the rest of the relational story and learn from their experiences along the way.