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first time is special

Ask Trixie: How can I pretend that it will be her first time with me?

I been seeing this girl for 5mos now, we're very open to each other. She's not a virgin but she only had sex with one guy and it was 8.5 mos ago. I am, and we plan on having sex soon, in 3mos. She never came with the first guy and she wasn't in love with him like she is with me. We both agreed that her first doesn't count because she wasn't in love and it was a stupid choice in the first place, and pretend that it'll be her first time with me. But it's really hard to pretend. Any advice? – Anonymous

Hi Anonymous – I get that there's a certain romance in being each other's 'first' but I'm feeling like you're also judging her. Why are you hung up on what she did before she met you? Do you think the fact that she had sex with someone else changed her in some way that makes her a less worthy partner for you? Have you done anything in your past you wish you hadn’t? 

Maybe you two can think about that first experience she had as a trial to see what she liked and didn't, and that experience will make sex between the two of you all that much better. Knowing what doesn't work for you can be as important as knowing what does.

You’ve got long lives ahead of you with lots of sexual experiences and (possibly) other partners. Yes, the first time can be special and important, but it's more important that the two of you have a great relationship. So, stop pretending, get over what’s in either of your pasts, and focus on the present. You love each other, which is awesome. You’re attracted to each other, which is also awesome. Enjoy being with each other and the pleasure that will bring you both.

Got a question about virginity, sex, relationships, feminism or filmmaking?  Ask Trixie here.

V-Card Diaries: Haley "Virginity is a gift. Whether finding one or being one."

Today we're highlighting Haley who really wants to date a nice guy so her first time is special and not something she'll regret. If you want to tell your story, go to our submission form. You can find all our V-Card Diaries here. A little about myself:

I'm a 21-year-old girl from Ohio. I like to read, I'm fun and outgoing, I drink but don't like to go out and party and at times a little crazy.

How I define virginity:

Virginity is a gift. Whether finding one or being one.

Here's my story:

When I was younger my parents didn't allow me to date and now that I'm old enough to I still haven't lost my v-card. I'm not wanting to wait until marriage or anything. I just don't want it to be a one night stand or with some jerk. Which is all I seem to meet... I've never even had a boyfriend yet cause none of the ones i meet aren't even worth it. Where's the nice guy!? I just wanna date a nice guy that I can lose my virginity to so its special and not something I'll regret in the future.